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Help me please.
Nov 19, 2005
Let me start off by giving you some details about me.

20yr male
seeing a psychiatrist for 3-4 years.
meds tried - Paxil,welbutrin,lexapro,zoloft,provigil.

this is something thats really bothered me, and has hurt me for while now. I'm not sure quite what it is, but I feel I either have social anxiety disorder and/or depression. For most of my life now, I've always been a very quiet person around people, and shy. Even when im around my closest friend I sometimes feel uncomfortable saying stuff and being myself. Around family it is the same way too. I can never truely be "myself".

I worry so much about what I say and im afraid to take chances and open up socially. It's like I have a voice inside my head that tells me to beware because people might judge me and be mean to me. I can't go anywhere without thinking someone is looking and judging me. It makes me feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I'm not a complete loner becuase there are still alot of people that like me, and try to me and get me to hangout...but I've never really felt a large sense of friendship amongst them, largely because I can't open up at all. It's mostly just small talk when i see them.

In school it's usually the worse. I think some of this is because I'm always so tired in school, so it makes me even less social than I already am. Whenever talking to someone, I almost alway hesitate or think about what I'm about to say, and theres usually nervousness in my voice probably. It feels like I can never really continue and keep up a steady conversation with almost anyone, because I either hesitate as to what to say, or dont have anything to say at all.

It just seems like theres something missing about me, and I never really show who I truely am to others, possibly because of fear. I know I'm a more interesting person then what I seem to be to others, I just never show it because my mind never works the way I want. My personality has never really come out to anyone.

the only time/way Ive been able to open up and show my personality to people is if there's alcohol involed. I turn into an entirely different person. I forget about worrying what people think or what I say or do. And thats how Ive met most or all of my friends/girlfriends. I go from the shy guy nobody notices to the funny,friendly,outgoing person that I know I really am. I know alcohol is not the answer,but its the only thing thats calms my mind. I wish I could find something out there that could help me express my "real" self, but I have yet to find it.

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. Thnx.


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