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Hi everyone :wave:

I'm new here..although I've been skimming through posts for awhile now. I decided to finally let it all out.

For as long as I can remember, I always remember my mother telling me that if I lose weight..everything will come together in my life. I've always been overweight, but it never really bugged me until recently (past 4 years). (I'm 21 years old). However, my self-esteem has forever been non-existant. I've never felt positive about myself (my looks in general, my abilities, my influence on people).

I'm extremely self-conscious and afraid to speak my mind around people who aren't family members. So, I've developed anxiety attacks. I'm always a nervous wreck and I never know what to say and how to act. What bugs me most is that I'm always thinking these things (so i'm paranoid too). I feel that in a way...it's almost [B]selfish.[/B] Because of this, I feel I will have trouble holding down a job too...and this is my biggest fear in life..never amounting to anything.

So, making freinds is pretty hard...considering my not so out going personality and sticking to my shy and reserved nature (which I feel "safe" with) Yeah..and that brings out the [B]depression[/B]

If I lose my weight, will I feel better? ( I feel so shallow typing this..but I can't help but wonder) Has anyone's self-esteem gone up after losing weight and looking their best? Do appearances really matter that much? So confused. :confused: Please help!! I need advice.. :( ..before I lose my mind.
I don't know about depression, I was never depressed, but I can tell you from experience that looking better will most definitely help you with self esteem and shyness! Here's my story if you want to read on - at age 14-15 I was extremely SHY, I couldn't even speak to a teacher without turning bright red and getting an anxiety attack, I was made fun of because I dressed like a boy (this was back in the 70's), I wore the big oversized flannel shirts, (I was rail thin) bulky boots, had thin straight straggly, greasy hair, no make up, zits galore and big THICK glasses. I went through years like this, barely able to lift my head up to walk because I felt to unworthy and below everyone else. I was only comfortable around my family. The summer of 1975 I finally decided I was going to radically change myself, I dyed my hair blond, I got a perm, I got contact lenses, I got clothes that made me look female and that fit my body and actually made my skinny frame look good (being overly skinny is just as bad as being overweight! I ate and ate and ate and never gained an ounce and I looked horrid and I was made fun of for being too skinny), I learned how to use make all kinds of make up, went to a dermatologist, etc. When I went back to school in Sept. my FRIENDS didn't recognize me until I spoke! The laughing stopped, the teasing stopped, I felt really good about myself, I walked the halls with pride! I joined the radio club, I spoke in class, I could speak to people like a normal person, this was 30 years ago and I can still say that is the best thing I ever did for myself! You are not shallow, other people DO put emphasis on looks, and that does effect how one views themselves, unless they are a very, very strong person which I wasn't. You don't even have to lose the weight, even getting out there and getting nice clothes that will fit your body type will do it! Like I said, I had the opposite problem and my weight ended up not mattering at all with everything else I did. How old are you?
I am overweight and have great self-esteem. I feel that your self-esteem comes from within. You have to find things in yourself that you like and most of all, you need to love yourself. Not doing anything with yourself, not expressing yourself, and not showing off your abilities is keeping you feeling depressed. Losing weight is only half of your battle. You could be really thin and still have bad self-esteem. Honey, you need to look to yourself for your confidence, not society. You are a beautiful individual with potential that the world is missing out on. Who cares if you carry a few pounds, its how you feel that counts. If you want to lose the weight, I say go for it, but do it for you because if you find that you are losing it for others, you will not be happy.

I have started dieting and exercising, for me. Remember,you are most important. Others opinions do not matter, and those people who are shady are really a waste of time.

My advice is to find something that will make you feel productive. I know what it is like to be shy, but you can do this. Have a little faith in yourself.

Take Care
Fae





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