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Anxiety Message Board

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Hi there. I haven't read up on you guys yet but I will. Im sure many of us have a lot in common. I always new something was up with me but not sure what. Then about 7-8 years ago my DR decided ( I kind of already knew anyway) I had depression problems but he never said anything about anxiety. But the anxiety continued to get worse I just thought it was part of depression. I live in constant fear someone I love will die. Sometimes I live in fear and I dont know of what. I have severe anger mood swings, and mood swing that send me into crying out of control over things I cant control. I am nervous all the time. And if my husband isnt all happy or attentive I automatically assume he is mad at me or something along those lines. It just seems like something always HAS to be wrong. I was told I was a worry wort and needed to relax and calm down Ha!

In 2003 I had a deep thought someone ( at the time I felt my dad) was going to die. He was 67 and looking much older than he used to. Well It turned out it was my mom. She was hospitalized with chest pains. I KNEW it was something bad. Even though I was told many many things it could be in the end I was right. She had cancer. Lung cancer. So stupid me as I do ALWAYS went searching the Internet. As many of you probably know it is our best and worst friend. I spent hours each day obsessed with finding a cure. Problem was since I was right and someone was sick as I had feared I thought all I had was good intuition not a problem!! BTW mom mad it and beat horrendous odds and is now Cancer free 3 years!! YAY

But the reason I found these boards was not for my anxiety it was for other health problems I am having. but since being here I have self diagnosed myself with everything from Colon Cancer to diverticulitis, to some blood disorder. Grant it something is wrong with me as i have not had a bowel movement without laxative help I over 2 months. I go weeks in between. I saw a gastroenterologist and the word Cancer was mentioned and of course I heard nothing else. I have been soo scared since then. I have been to every colon cancer web page and researched symptoms causes you name it. I am completely over the top here. I have my husband worried about me soo much. He actually wanted to turn the internet off cause I get soo upset.

Then July 2nd I was taking the prep ( colyte) for a colonoscopy my GI DR had scheduled for the next day. I cried the whole time. I trembled. the stuff was awful. I had worked myself into such a panic that I sent my husband to my MIL's for a few hours so I wouldn't scare the kids. I was soo afraid I would nto be able to finish the bottle and they would cancel the procedure and i would have to do it all over again another day. I got most of the nasty stuff down ( about 3/4 of the over gallon bottle). It took 2 x as long as it should have about 7 hours!!! The next morning I was fine I was hungry since I couldn't eat for over a day. The procedure was hours away so I went to the plant world nursery with my kids ( 2y/o and 1 y/o) my 2 y/o son love plants and flowers. And on the way home I had my second episode of tachycardia. This time I knew exactly what it was. I felt the very first abnormal heart beat start. I spent the entire day with Dr's and on beta blockers to slow my heart rate from the 178 it was to down below 80 ( 74 to be exact). Of course the anesthesiologist cancelled my colonoscopy. My worst fears came true I would have to prep all over again. But it wasn't becasue I didnt finish that cap it was my heart!. Funny thing was all morning I was fine. calm and happy no frustration nothing. It just came out of nowhere!

This had only happened one other time ( well I have had many panic heart races but no lasting tachycardia) back in November. I woke up feeling as though my heart was racing. I felt faint sweaty I took my pulse it was over 160. I sat around trying to calm it down I breathed nice and slow full breathes. Finally after suffering like that and my chest pains I woke my husband up and told him I was going to the urgent care. The did and EKG and immediately sent me to the ER by ambulance where I spent 3 nights in the hospital on every test possible. I had 4 episodes while there and one where my heat rate was 205 for over 30 minute!!! Only thing wrong after all the tests was elevated white blood cells.

I do however have some tracers of the beginnings or warnign signs of heart disease. Slightly high cholesterol ( hereditary) and VERY high triglycerides. I have since lost 30 pounds and feel much better. but wonder if my Tachycardia episodes are heart related or anxiety related. Either way they are not good for me. The first time I needed a nasty shot that made my heart stop and start again to get a normal rhythm. The episodes dont stop on their own and each time my brains gets deprived of oxygen and each time my heart can get damage.
Yesterday i went to see the DR and he gave me the results of my blood work from last week and he screwed up read the wrong ones and mine were actually better than the first. problem was I still got worked up I cried the whole way home. I was upset at the fat that he didnt take my anxiety serious enough to be careful with me and not mess with my health. I had to call out of work and take 2 xanax just to calm down . Ive been taking them for anxiety for a couple years now. I am also on wellbutrin for depression. Seriously these episodes are just a few. I seriously feel like 2 people sometimes. I dont know how to fix it. Sure once I realize what is going on I can take something to calm down but I cant seem to be just a normal person. I am afraid of bugs all of a sudden ( that was never the case before) it all started one night when i found a VERY ;large spider in my hosue. I had myself convinced it was a poinseness HOBO spider and of course it went under the dryer never to be seen again. I can barely go around the hosue with no shoes. I still think it was a poinseness spider!!

I really should stop here since I could go on and on. I hope I can get a handle on things and maybe soemthing here will help me just by the support and reading. It will be nice to get to know you all.

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