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Anxiety Message Board

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Anxiety and my belief that i am constantly ill are what powers my wild imagination and builds all sorts of irrational thoughts. I'm not as bad as I used to be, but can return to that state of mind really easy if I slip a little in my cognitive thinking. I went through a 8 month span of extreme anxiety and panic attacks (daily 5 or more) plus I was diagnosed with this anxiety crap six years ago... during this last 8 month span I lost 35 pounds due to the fact that i was so whacked out that I couldn't even swallow food without thinking I was choking. I have been on many meds including klonopin, xanax, valium, effexor, paxil, celexa, zoloft, lexapro basically if you name it i have been on it. I have been off meds for about 4 months now and have shocked myself by how well i'm doing.
I believe that issues with death or even illness are really expression of fear of losing control.... I'm a major control freak as everyone in my life likes to offer... when you feel like you are not in control of something such as not being able to stop and illness or even death it can send your mind irrationally thinking. I would take every tiny symptom I had (whether it was there or not but when you are panicy it is definetly there) and I would search the internet until I was good and scared... really bad idea. I have believed that I have had all sorts of cancers... all sorts of other things as well such as brain tumors (i hear that one is common), and even AIDS. I can relate very well to everything that is being posted on this thread.
How I got to where I am now in my mind took a lot of work... work that for the longest time I felt I was incapable of doing. I basically had to reconstruct my thinking. Every irrational thought that crossed my mind had to be deleated and replaced with another one as quick as possible.. after I was able to do that much I was able to reason with myself... like i'd say to myself well if i'm dying there isn't much I can do about it so why freak out? Or if I have a terminal illness than there is nothing I can do about it. I had to learn to let go of the control and I believe this is a key thing in getting better. There of course is no getting better it's all about managing and maintaining your anxiety, like i said before... one wrong slip of my mind frame and I know how easily i can fall right back in to where I was before. It's hard... I KNOW.
I'm certainly not an expert [COLOR="Red"]{REMOVED}[/COLOR] what i'm saying is i'd be happy to answer any questions... i'm willing to help and i like to help. Anxiety boards really really helped me, just reading what other people have gone through and how similar their situations were to mine was a huge relief.

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