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Hi Dave, it is weird, my las job was a local truck driver,I obtained my cdl and hazmat and did ok for a while but the stress on the job began to take its toll on me!! I was warehouse supervisor, the only one there with a cdl which made it hard to lag behind any.When I was out sick I would be punished,not physically but things would be inspected by my boss, the truck,paperwork, the warehouse ect..I would come back to a ton of nasty sticky notes such as the truck is a mess wash it today ect..I get stressed easy for some reason.I can almost predict my entire day according to how I feel when I first wake up, not that I'm setting myself up for a bad day, it's hard to explain. I just woke up a few minutes ago by the alarm, heart racing,nervous feeling ect. I try to avoid the klonopin as much as possible.Iwas prescribed 3mg daily but I have never took over 1mg in a days time.You are 100% right about how it affects us as fathers, I have cried in silence many days because of me and my little girls relationship, if she were to as why did I not play with her or go places with her? Anxiety?? I am happy you found a dr who could help and are able to get out able to get out alone and I feel there are days for me but few and far between that I have no anxiety and really feel like me and during those days I feel like I'm cured.I see a state provided p-doc and the fees are cheap, when I was working I tried to see a private one but my insurance would not cover mental health and there rate were way to high.I have a good education, have training in many fields, have had some pretty interesting hobbies in the field of archaeology, metal detecting, drag racing ect.. I still have my race car with a new engine I built 4 years ago and has no run time, it is almost in the shape I'm in. I have forced myself to get back in to working on it and bringing it back to life seeing it was at one time a passion but I can not do it.I have often thought of being honest to my inlaws about my condition but they would not understand, me and my father in law at one time were the very best of friends, not a weekend went by we were not working on something or going to drag races, then it all stopped at a slow pace.I see them maybe 1 time in 2 months if that and they are less than 4 miles from me.I hate living like this, in constant fear on the present and future, will I ever have a new home, job, be a father, husband and a son. The past 6 months have flew by, it seems as soon as I wake it's night again with another wasted day gone.I'm going to try to get out some today and put forth some effort. thanks!! charles





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