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Anxiety Message Board

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Is anyone like me?
Dec 10, 2006
Hi, i am new to this site. i have recently identified my "elephant" in the room. I have had anxiety for so long that i have accepted it ( as have my family and life long friends) as just part of my personality. The name I am using on this site is a pet name my husband uses, sometimes affectionately, sometimes not. i can hardly blame him. I have come to the realization that i may need help with "myself" because it is starting to get out of control, and I dont know how to stop it. The only problem is, my symptoms dont match some I have seen, but I know they are anxiety related. I would appreciate it if someone would give me their opinion as to if they think this is GAD or obsessive-compulsive or post traumatic stress or ?.
Let's see. I have this thing i like to call "think sleep". i thought I had sleep problems beat because i trick my mind by reading or listening to mundane tv while falling asleep, which works most times, but NOW (the last few years),i have started to process WHILE I am sleeping. I am technically sleeping, but wake up in FULL panic mode about things that are real issues that i have been worrying about while sleeping. i also process horrible thoughts about things happening to my children, and wake up. Sometimes i actually rectify whatever the problem is so i can go back to sleep. For instance...."If I bolt that china closet to the wall, maybe i wont think about it falling over on one of my 4am)I also cant let go of things that have happened, conversations i have had..."Why did I say that? I cant believe i said something so stupid!That person probably thinks I am an idiot." And I CANT let it go.Also, I am constantly stimming, rocking,moving,tapping....sometimes my hands shake. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but i now realize that my muscles aches and tension are probably due to this anxiety. I actually avoid things or places that evoke anxiety. RIDICULOUS things. I am currently stressing about a project for school that takes place in MAY at a park in my town, so I avoid driving past the park! Everytime I think about it I get this sickening jolt of adrenaline. Recently I was at work and something went wrong, and I literally went lightheaded, my throat felt like it was closing and i lost feeling in my legs.Luckily, I recovered without being taken out on a stretcher. As a child, i had this thing where i would pull out the hair on my head,eyebrows and eyelashes. Disgusting, i know, but my childhood was VERY crazy and unpredictable.I also suffered from horrible night terrors. My father was an alcoholic who would rage at us at all hours of the night and physically discipline us frequently ( like every day). I have made peace with that as best as i can, but the anxiety continues to effect me all day every day. I am opposed to any drug that may cause me to become addicted. i currently am addicted to nicotine(shamefully) and caffiene. I quit smoking for two months, but i also quit my coping mechanism by doing that, so the anxiety went out of control. i started again and felt MUCH better.I am at the point where i wake up almost every day with some level of anxiety. Some days i have to literally talk to myself to calm me down. I have to talk myself into my day.(while smoking cigarettes)..make sense? I want to get a handle on this anxiety thing, because i need to quit smoking. I am in this endless cycle because i have panic and fear about cancer ( i should), so its an endless cycle. i also do not want to gain 50lbs, like i have seen others do from meds. i lost 25 lbs a few years back and do not want to gain it again.I am sorry this is so long, but i really need someone to comment and tell me what you think! THANKS!

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