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Hello everyone. I am a sufferer of Panic Disorder and have had it for the last 6 years or so. I have been doing really well but I am now in a bad situation again. I have been having really bad attacks for the last 5 days. I have increased my medicine and have started to take xanax for some extra help. I have a very had time relaxing when I get into this attack and alot of my problems is that I worry about things. When I start to worry it gets worse and worse and it does not let up at all. I hate to go to bed at night because I wake up in the morning with the attack and I have become the type to run from this. I will actually leave my house and go sit somewhere in the car and talk to a friend on the phone. I have called my doctor several times a day for the last 5 days and he is just so wonderful in supporting me. I also get jittery when I know my other half is going to be home and when he gets here I start and I don't know why. It is not like I don't love him or anything. I feel as though I want to be alone and not around him or my child. Is that wrong? I know in the last so many years alot of things have happened to me and I am not sure if this is why I am the way I am today. As if I am on a major come down. I lost my step-dad with whom I was extremely close to and considered him to be my real father. The last time I saw him in the hospital he yelled at me over something silly but my mom says he did not mean it and I am sure he didn't. Then this same day last year my mother under went a triple by pass after dying on the table for 25 minutes. They gave her a 5% chance to make it and yes she is here today and stronger than ever. The this past summer I found out from my real father that I have a half sister. I don't know what to really think about all this though. I really don't bother with her. I do talk to m y real dad but I don't have that father daughter bond with him like I did with my step dad. So when my dad calls me he asks me why I don't call the half sister because my other sister and two brothers do and my other sister and I are the only ones who don't. I told him I just don't think about her to call her. I am not sure he gets it though. I also have had a rough childhood. My parents split when I was 2 and my sister, brother and I lived with my dad and step mom. She was abusive to us. So now here I am older and fear everything and anything under the sun. I fear having to go to the hospital, I fear taking any new medicine because I am afraid it will hurt me and not to mention I read the side effects which is the worse I can do but I do it. So I worry an aweful lot about alot of things and I can't not control it. I also fear when I hear other people who have sickness or even death. Honestly I don't know how to control it at all. I have read books and I know I am not going to die from this but when you are in the attack it is hard to not think there is something major wrong with me. I hate this feeling and just want to be my normal self again. Anyone who can relate or just become a friend to talk to me, I would so appreciate any and all help you can give. Feel free to email me anytime [email][COLOR="Red"]{REMOVED}[/COLOR][/email].

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