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Just like that....
Jan 17, 2007
7 months ago, I honestly could say I was fricken on top of the world lol, 7 months ago, if told me, hey you are gonna have the worst part of your life starting tomarrow, I woulda said lol good joke, then all of a sudden, a HUGE AMOUNT of stress gets put onto me, I mean I couldnt sleep that night because of what happened that day (I dont want to go into it), for weeks I tried to get back what I lost, then I thought for some odd reason that the only way I'd get (her, lol I gave it away) back was by changing, so, I became concious of everything I did from their on out, until I formed somewhat of an OCD/Anxiety one night. I laid there and went, Wow how do you breathe without noticing it because I could feel it going over my tongue, then the next second I go wheres your tongue supossed to be??? Then I went alright just go to sleep and it will be all gone by tomarrow, I wake up and to my horror, IT was the very first thing I thought about. Now after going to a psycologist twice, and still not figuring it out, I decided to figure it out for myself, I spent months trying to figure it out, going all I have to do is find the cause of it and I could go back to normal, throughout this process, I had no train of thought, I had to talk to my self to think at all because I was so focused on my mouth and my tongue, so after about a month of having this, I started chewing on gum and pieces of plastic to try to use that to get my mind off of my mouth, now because of that, Ive chewed gum every hour of the day for 6 months straight, its the only thing that gives me somewhat of a distraction, now I helps not a single bit because I grew immune to it, I focus on the movement of my mouth more then ever and can not go a day with out gum because of fear of tensing up, then within the last week it hit me, the reason I can breathe through my mouth correctly and my tongue tenses up, is because my jaw is so tense that I cant function my lips correctly to move on their own while I talk, So I started trying to relax when I was talking to people, but the worst had already done its damage, I have lost all inside my head thought proccessing, and thinking, all because I tried talking my self through this, so I lost all train of thought and when I talk to people the only thing I can focus on is my mouth because I dont have something in my head like I used to, thinking before I say something, I have somewhat of a blanks stare going when I talk because I have a focus on my mouth and show little emotions, I quit sports I loved, and when I had a thought process going for the little whiles I hated my self, So Here I am 7 months later, the lowest part of my life, deciding wheter or not to go on, I seriously wish everyday that I would take a blow to the head or something and get sometype of memory loss just to forget all of this stuff, I know its all in my head, but now its time to say, where do I go next, I honestly lost mostly all of my friends, people tell me im not the same, I cant live like this any more, pills are not an option, I want to be back on top.





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