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Apr 11, 2007
:confused: Hi

I am new to this board and was just wondering if anyone ever really gets over anxiety? I am living in London but am from Sa and really miss my family and friends and home but am starting to find london more and more like home. I have just bought a house with my boyfriend of 6 years, I got back from a holiday from Sa and as soon as I got back I started having horrible anxiety about my life and my wether I am happy or not and it is so nasty and makes me feel so unhappy and the axiety is horrendous. I love my boyfriend so much and love my flat etc but as soon as I am happy I get scared and my anxiety gets so so bad, like last evening I had such a nice evening didnt think about anything until i thought wow i am so happy and bang!! My mind started bringing horrible thoughts and then I think oh no here comes my anxiety and I am scared that I am going to loose everything that has ever meant anything to me and I am scared that I will never be me again or be happy again!!! I am getting tears thinking about how horrible this is and how I feel trapped and torn. Just thought Id put this out there and see if anyone else has this kinda thing or if I am on my own

Thank you
Re: Anxiety
Apr 11, 2007
Two things that hurt me now-a-days are the thoughts of 'Oh I am happy' and 'did it go away'. Let me explain. Once i start 'realizing' i am happy and content my mind will go into over drive and try and fix that. It will think up stuff and it is a battle then to whether i give into to those thoughts or fight them off and maintain my happiness. I want to be able to just go cool I'm happy and move on. Presently though my mind doesn't seem to like to do that.

As for the other thought, here is what I mean. A lot of times during my breathign exercises or any kind of relaxation, in the middle of it i will think 'Is it gone?' which of course will trigger the memories and thoughts again. This is a hard one for me to get over as in my mind i need to feel the happiness or feel the bad thoughts gone. Instead I should just live in the moment. Agonizing over whether feelings are there or not only seem to make them that much stronger.

One thing I've never truly grasped yet is how i can have a good nt like last nt, then wake up and feel like crap and have all the anxiety and sadness back, yet the only thing that changed was the time. The mind is a weird weird thing.

I truly feel that when you stop thinking about the feelings, good or bad and they just happen is when you are truly making headway. Maybe that is jut me though.

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