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Sounds like socio anxiety...

I'm 44 (just turned) and have felt odd my whole life. As a kid I was labeled "shy". As a young adult I discovered alcohol . Now I do not drink . Makes thinks waaay to complicated. I have seen shrinks before but can never be fully open. In fact when I have, it was important to come off totally in control and discuss my problem matter of factly. Very odd. I am a perfectionist and have a great need to be in control. I sense people either take me as stand offish as though I am better than most - which I am -, or simply weird. I've taken paxil, prozac, lexepro and effexor. Non really worked. On paxil, the first two weeks, I had a grin on my face I couldn't get rid it made me easily angered. Now days I stay home often. I do get out for walks, but up here in minnesota the weather is changing rapidly, so I am spending more time home alone. Actually I have my moments when I can be quite chatty, but there are others when I freeze up and come off as some sort of dork-moron, so even if I did well before, after the dork-moron experience I feel people see me for what I really am and so I no longer go around them. Oddly I love being the center of attention yet dread it to. An awful dichotomy really. I have unregulated ups and downs as well and I tend to go over conversations I may have had and what I could have, or should have said to make myself come off more knowledgeable, or funny. Best of luck you everyone here. We didn't ask for this and it really sux. JsonB

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