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What do I do Now?
Jan 31, 2008
Well, here goes....I'm almost 60 (don't know what this has to do with anxiety), but wanted to include this. Three years ago out of the blue sky my head clogged and my heart was racing out of my chest (100bpm). That was the beginning. Thought I was going to die. Went to my Dr. She put me on Activan which helped. Wanted me off that after a few months and put me on Klonopin. Been on .5mg twice a day for 3 years. A life saver. I am very, very sensitive to meds. I'm petite. Now it's not working anymore. Been the to ER twice since last Aug. year, first time 3 yrs ago. First time had a stress test, ecocardiogram, EKG, chest..no head x-ray. Have had so many blood tests, chest x-rays (smoker) all okay. Dr. wanted me to go on Paxil 3 months ago since I was having trouble. Read about it online. Nope, didn't take it. So went to a psychiatrist. He wanted me on Effexor. Nope, read that was bad. Have talked four times to a phycologist. Not much help. Psychiatrist checked my B12 in blood test. Very low, 252.
He wanted me to take shots, my Dr. said I only needed one shot then take 1000mcg vitamins, which I did. Better than a poke everyday. Blood test results today...B12 is up to 747 in only 2 months. Good news. Pills are working.
Mornings are absolutely horrible. Stay up until 12:30am. Wake up at 5:30am and can't go back to sleep. Heart rate around 99. Been two weeks.
The main thing is, I'm supposed to go on a cruise in 3 weeks, 4th one. I felt fine the last times I went. But am soooo nervous about this one because of the terrible way I'm feeling. Yesterday, Dr. said she doesn't want me on Paxil until I return. Just want to feel happy about this trip and don't want to ruin it for my friend going with me. I think this cruise is causing more anxiety.
Hate to go to bed everynight because I get up anxious and have to run to bathroom several times (sorry). When I made the reservatons in July, I thought I would be fine by Feb. Well, it's Feb. and feel worse. I just sit in this room all day (except when I'm working 4 hrs. during day) and do the same until bedtime. What a way to live:( Hope I feel better for a few hours to pack. Really don't care what I pack. Just want to get it done.
P.S. For some unknown reason, Sat. Jan. 12 I felt the best in three years. Told husband I wished I could feel like this everyday. We were gone all day. I have no control over how I feel each day. It's hard to make any plans. It was absolutely wonderful. Thanks for listening. Any advise sure would be appreciated. Hope everyone is doing better.





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