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Please dont be discouraged by the length of this post. I feel it needs to be thing long for anyone to fully understand, Even if you just scan the page looking for something that sounds familar with your journey through "anxiety" i would really like to know.

Basically to cut the story as short as i can - i started noticing strange symptoms like "depersonilization" or "derealizaiton" (the only way i can describe the feeling is like "tripping out" asif everything around me is moving and i am focused only on the surroundings for a split second until you come to senses with a shock/panic and abruptly stand up or move to snap out of it. Then theres always a strange halo feeling afterwards.) When i was hungover. As time passed my hangovers became incredibley different where i really couldnt get out of bed or be in bright lighted rooms etc without feeling terrible because i was straining my eyes so bad and it felt like my life had a cinematic quality to it, like a silent movie or a dream.

Obviously not thinking much of it because the day after i would feel perfectly fine and down to earth again. Time passed by and after a weekend i got up ready to start a new job on the monday morning. I felt terrible, I had some kind of viral infection and all the symptoms that i had been noticing during hangovers where all there, along with a pupil a different size than the other. a localized headache which was the kind you get when you have a cold and its activated even more when walking or with any sharp movements.

These symptoms have stayed with me (to a lesser degree) for an entire year now. Along with added symptoms over the course of time, Including; Weight loss (Unexplained) despite having no change in diet. The wierd trippy feeling when in bright lighted rooms, the feeling of living in a dream, terrible nightmares, panic jolts when just drifting of to sleep at night, constant strain on the eyes asif i just cannot focus atall without straining, frequent infections, constant malayise especially when walking up in the morning (i feel like ive drank a keg of beer and taken a multitude of illegal drugs when i wake up in the morning), sore shoulders/lower back aches, palor, itchy legs arms and shoulders, red knuckle rash, coarse raggy hair, headaches along with a sore head and bruise like pressure areas over the scalp, pressure when standing up and dizziness. Things which have now subsided (touch wood) are drenching night sweats, very painful muscle aches in the legs / joins, all round weakness.

I have been regularly visiting my GP since these problems. And i have always feared for the past 5 years i have some kind of throat cancer because of swollen lymph nodes and tonsils in my neck been too scared to confront these issues 5 years ago i left them in hope they would just dissapear (not to mention one popping up out of the blue on the back of my head a year ago when falling ill which hasnt gone btw). When falling ill a year ago i naturally figured this was some kind of progression and these were the reasons i now have all these problems.

Numerous doctors have all came to the conclusion there is nothing wrong with me. Or atleast not as far as they have researched into it. I have refferals and tests done;

Refferal to a ENT specialist - Examination reveals multiple "small" lymph nodes in the level 2 areas of the neck and level 5. Swollen tonsils but no imflamation. Ordered a ultrasound of the neck, which again confirms the lymph nodes found on examination and further lymph nodes within the neck.

Chest x-ray = clear

Refferal to a neurologist - Examanation reveals no problems, but confirms mild aniscoria. CT head scan without dye ordered, which was said to be perfectly normal and shows no signs of a raise in pressure or a brain tumor and whatever else the scan is capable of showing.

Blood tests including thyroid, sugar etc. which showed no abnormalitys first round. second round 5 months down the line shows a drop a platelets from 177 to 156 (normal is 150). MCHD high at 35.1 (normal 30-35). and neutrophils dropped to abnormal on (1.7) making me mildy neutropenic. A blood film shows nothing but the neutropenia, a sed rate showing 2mm inflammation (normal is 1-10mm).

Blood tests for HIV, Hep A B C. = Negative.

My doctors have came to the conclusion i am suffering from an anxiety nerosis. But i am very reluctant to belive this mainly because of the ammount of weight i have lost, and just cant put back on dispite the ammount of food i eat, I eat atleast 500 calories more than my BMR which is 1997 with little or no exercise for my weight and height. I am underweight for my height and i have lost over a stone in weight. My legs/arms are so skinny that viens are popping out all over them, including my hands! i have bags under my eyes, and i know i just dont look like i used to. I am a very assertive person and i notice anything changing appearance wise. Plus the lymph node swellings... But no sign of infection, All sounds a bit fishy to me. But now i feel that i have exhaulted all of the doctors patience in requesting further investigation.

I would love to hear some responses, Especially storys about unexplained weight loss and anxiety and all the other symptoms i have. I just cant seem to find allot of my problems on the internet with a relation to anxiety.

I cant work and ive had to leave two jobs because of this, i have now had to resort to staying with my grandparents because i cant afford to live anywhere, I cant go out with my friends to bars on the weekends because i have no tolerance to alcohol anymore and i will feel so bad than a normal hangover in the morning it just isnt worth it.

I basically sit in my room all day long and visit friends now and again on the days i feel more like myself. (which is a rare occasion).


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