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I suffer from GAD, and panic disorder.

It started around Sept of 2007. I was getting feelings of vertigo, lightheadedness, racing heart, etc. At the time I went to my general practitioner and he thought I had "labrynthitis" which is an inner ear condition, explaining the vertigo, etc. I saw ENT specialists, went through batteries of tests, but by the time the tests were done (of course they are NEVER done in a timely manner!) they came back negative for an inner ear problem and said that the condition must have already passed and I would be fine. But, the symptoms never stopped. Finally, on a trip to Florida to visit my family, I had a full blown panic attack. At the time I had no idea that that's what it was. I was rushed to the ER and I thought I was dying. The entire left side of my body went numb, my heart was racing, I was dizzy and couldn't see straight. I told the ER doctors about my bit with labrynthitis, so they did a CT scan of the brain to check my sinuses, which are related to the inner ear. Nothing. Everything was fine. Because I went in and said I was having chest pain, they kept me on heart monitors the entire time I was in there. Turns out, it was a panic attack, but the heart monitors revealed that I also have an irregular heart beat.

Fast Forward.... I finally made an appointment about 3 weeks later with a psychiatrist... only after MANY sleepless nights... I would cry and be afraid to sleep, constantly checking my pulse on my neck and keeping my hand on my heart. I could feel my heart skip it's beats and I thought I would die in the middle of the night. My husband couldn't take it anymore and insisted that I see someone.

The psychiatrist put me on 10mg of Lexapro, and gave me a script for .5mg of Xanax to take as needed, especially to help me sleep. All was OK, not great, for about a month. Went back to see him, he bumped up my Lexapro to 20mg, and I continued to see him from November of 2007 until March. I felt great...def took the Xanax when I knew I needed it...flying, doctor appts, sleepless nights, etc.

Then I found out I was pregnant at the end of February. I freaked about my meds and stopped taking them as soon as I saw the + sign! I saw my psychiatrist immediately and he agreed with me being off of the meds. He said that if I felt it necessary, he would put me on Prozac, apparently that is safe during pregnancy. 2 weeks later I miscarried....but I never went back on the Lexapro. From October - March I gained almost 20 lbs. I'm not sure if it was from the Lexapro, but I've heard from many people that it can make you gain weight. Because of that, I was hesitant to go back on. At the same time, my husband and I decided that I would need to find a new psychiatrist...this one was not "in-network" with our insurance and was costing us an arm and a leg.

It's now the middle of April and the next appt I could get with a new doc isn't for another 3 weeks. Since I've been off of the Lexapro I have felt horrible. I am constantly light-headed, I feel like I'm going to pass out, I can't breath, I have chest pains...the whole nine yards. And to top it off, my health anxiety about my heart is worse now than it ever was. I still have a script and refills for my Lexapro, but I'm hesitant to take it. I have to ration out the remainder of my's the only thing that is helping me get by.

I just don't know how I'm going to get through these next 3 weeks.

I'm only 26 years old. Is anxiety something that you can eventually conquer....and not have to be on meds forever? I hate feeling this way. I can't function and I only feel better in the comfort of own home. As soon as I walk out the door, no matter where I'm going, my anxiety kicks in...I have anxiety about having anxiety's crazy. I'm afraid I'll have one while I'm driving, and the light-headed and dizzyness makes me feel like I'm going to pass out and no one will know how to help me.


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