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My anxiety story
Aug 7, 2008
Hi everyone, my name is Katherine.

I have always been an anxious person, even when I was a kid.
I remember freaking out very heavily to the point of crying because I was so indecisive - I would have my family make up my mind about everything for me, because I feared that something would go wrong either way and it would be all my fault.

For the past while especially though, I've been experiencing anxiety.. without even really.. realizing that it was anxiety. I've been depressed for over 4 years, and I kept having very weird feelings. Nothing that I would call a panic attack yet though. I kept getting dissociative feelings... I describe them as shrunken, floating, and disappearing. My shrunken dissociative feeling makes everything feel like it is towering above me. I feel like my mind has shrunk inside my body. My floating feeling feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, even if I am sitting down. I feel like everything is very far away from me, and it's very weird if I go to touch something. It feels like I am floating above things or falling. And my disappearing one is where I can't feel anything. I can touch things around me but I describe it as 'they are not really there'. And I can see myself in the mirror, but I can't seem to think that I am real when I have these feelings. Dissociative is one of the most scariest feelings I've ever felt.

I've always had weird breathing attacks as well, and I have most certainly been a worrier. My mind does not shut off.. It is always racing.

My first panic attack was the scariest thing I've ever felt.

It was 4am, and I had been crying and worrying all night. I was exhausted and decided to go to bed. I went into bed, and suddenly my arm started going numb. I actually thought I was lucid dreaming at first, but then I realized I was in fact awake. Then the numbness spread into my other arm and into my left leg. I was freaking out already by now. I could feel pins and needles, and my breathing was very bad. I started to cry my eyes out. I thought I was dying. There was so much pressure in my chest.. I went to get up to turn the lights on and fell over. Tried again, fell over. Finally when I reached the lamp, I went back to my bed and my eyesight was going all weird. I sat there not knowing if I should call 9-1-1, but then the numb feelings started to wear off and I decided that if I could just cool down with a cloth and breathe I would wait until morning.

x__x Then I found out it was a panic attack and I have them all the time now, usually not as severe as that though.. that was very, very scary for me. I get them a lot before I go to concerts.. social anxiety or something I guess, maybe just general anxiety / excitement. It's funny afterward actually, because I'll be collasping before leaving the house and who ever I'm going with will be like "Are you sure you're okay?" and I'll be like "Oh it's fine it happens all the time." And then I'll have anxiety the whole night which kind of isn't good when you're pumped up at a concert.

The worst is getting them at school though.

I am not on medication for anything. I feel I should be though, but I'm hoping to get my head straightened out this fall when I get a new doctor so I can get proper referrals.

I have general anxiety more than panic attacks.. Just last night I stayed up until the wee morning hours because I couldn't calm down.. but then on top of that, this whole summer I don't think I've slept for more than 4 hours a night. It's getting very tiring, but my body just won't let me sleep. Takes forever to fall asleep, and then I can't stay asleep. Very disrupted nights.

Question for readers of my story:

Does anyone else collapse from spinning sensations? :confused:

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