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Fear of Dying...
Sep 8, 2008
Hello everyone. This is my first time actually posting. My problem has become more than I can handle by myself and am looking for help and reassurance from people with the same problem. I am not afraid of death I am afraid of me myself dying. I can remember this starting when I was young waking up in the middle of the night and screaming at the top of my lungs that I did not want to die. This fear consumes my days and nights. Its not a specific way of dying that i worry about. Mostly my fears are health related, Heart attack, stroke, cancer. I constantly check my pulse, my blood pressure and I constantly think I have some kind of disease or form of cancer that Dr's have missed when I have gone for chest pain, or so on. I have to admit right now I do not live the healthiest lifestyle, I am a smoker, and realize that this does not help the fear, and I do have High Cholesterol (genetic related) I am 5'3 and 130lb. No other health problems though except for my anxiety disorder which I have been diagnosed with since I was 7. I am on lexapro 10mg daily, and was on xanax as needed for panic attacks but my dr pulled me off those abruptly and struggle with panic attacks frequently. I also suffer from night terrors, again mostly of dying, I wake up gasping for breath, I have dreams of watching myself die. I have gone to psychologists for help and have realized they all have the same common questions " why do you think you feel this way"? If I knew why i felt this way i would not have come to see you, you know what I mean. I gave up on the aspect and decided to deal with it myself. it has seemed to worsen the last couple years. I am extremely happy going to be getting married, and purchasing my first house. My panic attacks are nightly, and there really is not a time that I am not worrying about some sort of disease or illness that I have. This is my cry out for help.... I dont know where else to go, I hate feeling this way, no i am not depressed, just desperate for answers and help. Any advice, stories, anything would be so much appreciated!!!
Thank you in advance to anyone that may be able to shed some light on what is happening to me, what is this i have where I cannot stop thinking about death.

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