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I'm 1*years old, and have Depersonalization Disorder. I've had DP for about a year and a half, and up until a few months ago, I was starting to be able to cope with it. That is until the anxiety kicked in. It makes my situation incredibly hard, as if Depersonalization isn't hard enough on its own.

First of all, It's going to be my first time going to a show like this. I seem to have a lot of anxiety when I go to an unfamiliar place, and it often triggers an episode of depersonalization, which brings me more anxiety. Its ends pretty late, and I'm scared of getting an episode while I'm in there. I feel like I'm going to be shaking, and have a racing, pounding heart throughout the whole night. I also have a lot of anxiety about having a heart attack, and I constantly have to check my pulse to make sure it's still going. It might sound silly, especially since I'm only 1* and I'm in shape, but I have a bad anxiety problem. Aside from the heart attacks, I have anxiety of hyperventilation, getting an episode of depersonalization, and much, much more.

Second, it's going to be with a friend that I've never really hung out with before, we've only spoken together online, and occasionally smile at each other whenever we see one another. She's a great person, but I'm unfamiliar with her, and also, I have a bit of a "thing" for her, which brings me more stress, more panic, and more anxiety. I'm scared of awkwardness, or getting an attack, or even more, an episode of depersonalization in front of this girl who I really like, which would be HELL. The awkwardness part, and the fact that I have a crush on this girl isn't one of my bigger concerns at all. Plus, I have all these other anxiety problems which will make it harder.

This kind of thing happens ALL the time, and it causes me to blow people off and cancel plans, and it's ruining my social life. Because of this problem, I don't like going out with new friends. I just get really scared, or end up canceling on them. I know it's dumb, but I can't help the way I feel. I wont cancel this time, but I'm dreading going to this show.

I'm not the type of guy who goes to these kind of shows and stays out late, not because I don't enjoy it, but because I have all this fear and anxiety on my back.

Please help me. I don't want to come off as a loser, or as a fool
Or as if I'm not into her.

As for therapy, I'm going to be seeing a psychiatrist soon, but certainly not before this "date".

Unfortunately I don't think there are any off-the-counter drugs for anxiety. I wish there were though.

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