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I've been dealing with quite a few worries the past year and it turned into frequent nervousness and anxiety attacks for me. What really made it bad was because I've been living alone, have no family members to spend time with me or to help out with things, and I have no feeling of security in my life or a shoulder to lean on at times. My dog and I live in an old crappy rental house (I lost electric and also the heat went out 3 nights in a row when the temps were 5-11 degrees outside. I was awake for those 3 days with no sleep. I had to keep going into the basement to replace the old glass fuses that would burn out because I desperately needed to use one eletric heater. The furnace heater kept shutting off too, so the point is me and my dog (a labrador) almost froze to death, I was in major exhaustion and I had passed out or blacked out in the basement (which also, by the way, flooded with two feet of water a few weeks before, because the cement foundation was bad). When I was able to get myself back up the stairs I made desperate calls to the oil company so that they could come look at and fix the furnace, I could barely talk, they said they would be over late that morning. Next thing I know, I find out that my landlord called them up and cancelled that appointment. Then I really lost it and had someone else call him and chew him out. Well, he finally calls a friend of his to come look at the furnace, which did'nt happen until much later that evening and come to find out the furnace pipes and filter were clogged. (They should have been cleaned before I moved there). So this landlord and this house put me in a world of hurting both physically and mentally. And he just goes around acting like nothing is wrong or ever was wrong. His two large dogs run around loose and they come onto my property and start big fights with my old labrador and I don't let my dog run loose. I told him about it, he promised to not let it happen ever again but then he let it happen 5 more times. And now my lease will be up in another month and half and I can't seem to find a different rental that will allow large dogs at a price I can afford. I'm riddled with worrying, nervousness and a feeling of no security or help from any family members. This rental is also right on a noisey main road, so the vehicle and motorcycle noise, day and night is horrible, and the rent is too high for this place, not worth it.
Also, I now have trouble driving my vehicle for any long distances because if I'm in traffic I get so agitated and then I get a nervous attack and start getting light-headed or dizzy spells. I then have to either pull over or turn around to come back to this annoying rental (and my landlord lives right next door to me and he works at his home, he barely ever goes anywhere and he has completely robbed me of my privacy, boundaries and any kind of relaxed living.) I'm also now trying to find out if any of the drugstores near me would deliver the meds I'm supposed to go on (klonopin), because I can't handle going out and driving and going into stores right now, that's how shot I am lately.
I don't even get to have phone conversations or get to hang out with some one because they will just tell me they are too busy to talk or to hang out, they don't have time. My brother has ate away at my self-esteem, he calls me names and puts me down for now having nervous attacks, worries and for being scared of certain things. I feel like a stupid, horrible person who's wrong about everything because of him. I've been living alone and going through things alone for too long, and I notice how much better I feel when I get to do things with some one else, but they just dont have the time. And I'm nice and giving to them. Maybe because I don't have money and I'm poor, they just don't have a need or use for me then.
Oh well, I wanted to vent and get this out. I apologize that I wrote so much though.





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