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I'm not even really sure where to start, it feels like there's so much I have to say.

I think this is a mixture of social anxiety, depression and ADD (all of which are associated with each other). I decided to post this in the anxiety section because I think that is the biggest issue in my life right now.
So... I'll try to explain it the best way that I can.

I am always anxious. Even when I'm alone, there are still physical indications that I'm still subconsciously anxious. My throat feels contracted and tight, and it's difficult to swallow. My breathing is always shallow/irregular. I always catch myself [I]thinking[/I] about breathing (I always ask myself things like: Am I breathing weird? Can people tell I can't breathe that well?), and consequently, it becomes much more difficult to breathe.
I absolutely HATE walking places. I always feel like everyone is staring at me or watching me walk and thinking, "What's wrong with her?" It's extremely hard to breathe normally when I'm walking, because I'm too busy thinking if other people are paying attention to my breathing (which I know they're really not, but I just can't help but think that. Telling myself nobody is really watching me doesn't help. The physical aspects of the anxiety are still there, which then makes me more anxious).
When I'm around people I know, I'm not exactly what you would call anxious... but I'm incredibly irritable and all I can do is complain/whine about everything. My friends tell me that I give off a negative vibe, which is the last thing I want to do. But it's strange - any thought I have is almost always negative, and all I can think of to say (literally... it's like the 'happy-thoughts' section of my brain is completely shut off) is complaints about myself, others, the surroundings, or what I'm doing/what I have to do later. Even [I]I[/I] find this annoying. I can like, feel the negative energy coming off of me, and I hate it.
Sometimes my anxiety is so bad that it literally feels like I'm not.. well, alive. Basically, I might as well just be a rock or something. This really only happens if I'm in a group of people, and if there is at least one person in the group that I don't know. Today, for instance, I was with two of my friends and one of their friends that I did not know until today. I couldn't think of anything to say for almost the whole entire time, so 90% of the time I was literally just standing there crossing my arms, shuffling my feet and looking around.
I'm not so sure if that's anxiety that I'm talking about, but if it is, when it gets that bad, I don't even have the symptoms of anxiety anymore. No racing heartbeat, no irregular breathing... I just sort of sit/stand there with this robotic look on my face. I can't laugh at anything, and I can't think of anything to say at all. I'm not opinionated in any way when I am like this. All my answers to everything are either, "I guess," "I don't know," or "Whatever you want/to do." Now that I'm writing this out, that sounds more like depression to me. But anyway...
Another thing about my anxiety is that I always have to be covering some part of my face. It's almost always my mouth. Whenever I laugh or smile, I immediately cover my mouth. It's become a reflex now.
And to go along with the topic of laughter...
I laugh at VERY inappropriate times, and at EVERYTHING. Somebody could ask me for a pencil in class or something, and I'll crack a huge smile, cover my mouth and start laughing. I can't control it, either. That's the part I hate about it. It's like it just pushes itself out of me. I think it's because I subconsciously use laughter as a cover-up for the insecurity I feel when, say, somebody asks me for a pencil.

I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm missing out on relationships and fun things that I could be doing, but since I avoid social situations, I'm missing out on almost everything that makes life worth living. I've become a hermit, I stay inside for most of the day until someone asks me to do something, and even then, I never really WANT to, because whatever we do usually involves something social.

I've tried Xanax, and that just makes me feel drunk... which of course helps my anxiety for the most part, but that's not the feeling I'm looking for. I don't want to feel sedated and like I'm under the influence of something.
I used to have Adderall prescribed for my ADD, and it only worked every other day. When it did work, it literally got rid of all my "problems" (ADD, anxiety, depression). I had no anxiety whatsoever, and it felt great. But I stopped taking it because it was not the right drug for me.
I got prescribed Vyvanse yesterday for my ADD. My doctor said it would help with my anxiety as well, and elevate my mood a little. I took one today (20 mg) and it seemed to work during about the first two hours of the day (school day, in my case), and then I could no longer feel the positive effects of it. Instead, it made me irritable, depressed, robotic, monotonic, unmotivated and sluggish. I had little drive to do things.
My doctor said I need to "give Vyvanse a chance" and to not give up on it quickly. I'm willing to do it, I just want to feel better.

Basically, I am looking for tips on how to overcome some of the anxiety I feel when around a group of people... and perhaps someone can relate to me. I really feel like I am alone in this.





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