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Hi Everyone...

I'm new to the board but I need some help. First let me say, I know i have General anxiety disorder. Sometimes I have panic attacks, but msotly it involves obsessing until I convince myself of having a certain problem that may or may not be real (I think? Im not sure). I see a psychologist, and recently got off of Lexapro after a year of being on it. Panic attacks are manageable now, and I'm not feeling abnormally anxious, but I am having one issue: I think I'm desensitizing things in response to being overwhelmed, and its affecting my feelings for my husband. I think it's making me over-react and think that I shouldnt be married.

Backstory: My husband and I just got married and we've been together for almost two years.. Let me just start off and say he's amazing. We love the same things, he's responsible, smart as hell, determined.... He just bought a house for us, he cooks me food, its unreal, and hes adorable too....his family is amazing, its just great. that being said..

I know i have GAD, and tend to "freak out" when I'm overwhelmed, and I think it affects how I feel about my relationship. Example: When I graduated college, all of a sudden, I was so stressed I just didn't feel 'in love' any more with him. Then because of this, I freaked out... and obsessed so much about it, I actually talked myself out of being in love with him, for about a month... utnil I finally calmed down and things finally got back to where I was head over heals again. (I did this a lot when I was a child, where I used to be so afraid i would puke, I'd actually end up convincing myself i was sick and actually puking). I never told him my feelings for HIM were changing, but he knwos about my problem, and tries to help. He just really can't understand.

I did a mini freak out when we got engaged too, but it didnt last long. Now that we're married.. I'm doing it again. I have no reason for this either, because he's a great guy. I think I may be over-reacting to some of his fairly small flaws... like he has a weird way of getting 'emo' or moody and depressed, and it scares me. It almost makes me panic, however its not REAL depression, where he's violent, or anything... he just needs to be alone, or gets offended easliy, for no more than like an hour once in a while. I think I'm so afraid, because I used to be in an emotionally abusive relationship, where the end result was me being screamed at. My counselor thinks i'm reacting to the past feelings, and therefore becoming terrified. I dont understand why his moodiness makes me question US. I think moodiness when upset, and then eventually talking issues out, is exactly what I've always wanted.... so why am I so scared of him when he does this?

On top of his moodiness, I've got a lot on my plate: Marriage, changing my name, starting grad school, etc. Could this be why I dont feel that head over heals in love feeling? Our sex life is still good, but its not as.... passionate? I look at things he does, like the moodiness thing, and then automatically analyze them and worry about even smaller things, that thigns arent right... and these are little things.. I know they're stupid... .and i think I'm convincing myself to pick him apart to where I am almost not finding him attractive at all right now....I think its all because I want so badly for this to go away, i obsess about why I feel this way, analyze him more, and convince myself somethings wrong, that he's not THE ONE for me.. which makes me feel trapped, and then I panic more.

I go to counseling for my anxiety issues, and my psych. already told me that thsi can happen, but I really just need some people to share if they've had this experience, and if it's gotten better for them. I think I'm starting to get better now, we're apart for a month (hes in the army) and we're being more normal with each other... i think he was overwhelmed too! I'm sorry for this long email, i think its a trait that comes along with my anxiety problem :p

Thanks for your help!!
I just came across your posts now so I'm not sure if you're on here anymore but I wanted to say, I know exactly how you guys feel. I've recently been diagnosed with separation anxiety ( sounds pretty pathetic, I know). I'm engaged now and just bought a house with my fiance but often I freak out about how I truly feel for him. The anticipation of the change is causing my anxiety to be extremely hard to control. I didn't really start freaking out about my feelings until I started looking for a house. I would picture my fiance and I together in "our" house, picture him standing at the altar, get excited and then a moment later freak out thinking " is this what I want", "do I really want to be with him".

I come from a very close knit family and my sister is my best friend. I've never been apart from my family and have never lived anywhere else. I'm so afraid of leaving them that it causes me to question my feelings for my fiance. He's the greatest guy ever and is so understanding of my anxiety. He knows how to comfort me and make me feel better. I hate how my anxiety makes me question how I feel because this is a great relationship. My psychiatrist explained to me that being so afraid of leaving home, wondering how I'll be without my family right there, how they will be when I leave and making such a huge commitment can cause me to "freak out" and question how I truly feel. I understand this is my problem and it really has nothing to do with my fiance but my mind over thinks everything and it keeps dwelling on the fear and then I start thinking crazy thoughts, all the "what if's". My mind thinks it's easier to pull away then to keep going. I keep pushing myself everyday but it's hard. I've been this way since I was twelve but was never diagnosed properly. Back then, I was told I had "School Phobia" which caused me to miss a lot of school but my doctor didn't do anything to help me overcome the anxiety.

Any ways, I just wanted to share my anxiety situation and let you know you're not alone but i guess at the same time, reassure myself, I'm not alone.





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