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Hi Kat,

I'm glad you found us. I had actually seen your post just a few weeks ago on another thread which was back in April and couldn't believe how much I could relate. I worry about my dad a lot ever since one of his brothers ( my uncle) passed away. My dad has sleep apnea ( stops breathing in his sleep) and for the longest time, if he fell asleep watching t.v I would check to make sure he was still breathing. He recently just had a test done on his heart because he has an irregular heart beat. He got the results and thankfully everything is fine but doctors are always watching him. As I get older it's like I feel the need to take care of him. I don't worry about my mom as much. As for my sister, I want the world for her and just want her to be happy. She's a few years older then me and with moving out, i feel like I'm leaving her. Oh god, hear comes the tears : ( It makes sense that you started freaking out in February if your dads health became an issue in January. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I can't believe how anxiety can make you feel and what it does to you. It's so upsetting that we have to go through this but nice to know there are others out there with a similar situation. I sometimes dream that someone is attacking my family ( ie: breaking into our house at knife point or a tiger attacking my dad are a few dreams I've had) and I need to protect them. Last night I actually dreamed that my sister got fed up with my parents so she was leaving. I felt so empty because I thought I would never see her again. This all stems back to my separation anxiety. I'm so afraid of loosing my family and wondering how they will be when I leave and how I will be when I leave, it makes me question if I really love and want to be with my fiance. It's so annoying because as soon as I find my happy thoughts they're wiped away with anxiety filled thoughts. My sister keeps telling me its just my fear and anxiety and that I truly do love and want to be with my fiance. My doctor also said it's my fear and that I just need to move out. How pathetic does that sound??? I'm afraid to leave home so I question my feelings. Some days I feel like I'm so weak.

scaredconfused,

I've never consciously thought I was gay but I've for sure had dreams that I was. Not sure where those dreams come from but just letting you know. It's crazy the thoughts that anxiety can cause. My mother as long as I can remember has stressed like crazy, at one point she suffered from a bit of depression ( when her mother passed away. I took that very hard, I was 10 and I was extremely close to my granny. I miss her everyday and pray to her all the time asking her to help me through my anxiety). Sometimes I would wonder if she was really ever happy. (Sometimes she would be watching ridiculous shows on t.v like "teens gone wild" and she would always be like " come here and watch this". I always threatened her I can be like that if she wants if she thinks my sister and I were so bad sometimes.) To your blueprint theory, it makes sense that I mimic my mother ( stress to the max). I also found out that anxiety runs in her family so I have for sure inherited it ( apparently a few of my aunts had a hard time leaving home as well, would cry a lot). I know exactly what you mean about medication. I haven't been on any but I've heard horror stories about it making you numb and I don't like that. I'd rather feel it all and know that's it's something I suffer from then to just feel numb to the world. I actually get like that now. If I'm not feeling my anxiety pains that I get in my chest it's like I'm numb to everything. That scares me so much sometimes. All I want so much is too feel the happiness and love I have in my heart for my fiance but it's so hard to ignore the anxiety. It's so true that you can't always listen or take in what you've read. When I was first diagnosed with separation anxiety i kept searching the net for sites that said what I was going through and how it can make you feel. It wasn't always the greatest thing to do and I know I have for sure taken things people say the wrong way which doesn't help. I do have an aunt that I can't talk to at all because she doesn't understand. She would just say " well do you love him, are you being true to yourself" She even was kind of going against what my doctor said I was suffering from. She was thinking, there must be a reason why I'm feeling this way and not the anxiety.

PG, I've never been much of a drinker or have ever smoked but I'm glad to hear you're fighting the temptation I've read that people who suffer from anxiety tend to turn to drugs and alcohol which is not a way to live life. Stay strong and I know it's so much easier said then done but it's all we can do. I must say it's comforting to know someone who is married and dealing with this anxiety because I will be there soon enough. Does your wife know how you feel and what goes through your mind? I was honest with my fiance and he doesn't worry too much about it because he know's it's my anxiety.

Oli, stay strong, you are so young and have so much life to live and grow with. High school can be very hard at times. I can sympathize with the over thinking and worrying. I missed a lot of school because I stressed way too much. Keep fighting through the anxiety and talk to friends and family. You need positive support. Oh, and you didn't write too much, we all have a lot on our minds and have finally found a place to let it out with out being judged. We are here to listen and help each other.

We are all here for each other and it's great to know we're not alone.:) I am so happy that we found this thread and I really want to keep hearing from everybody. Stay positive!





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