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If anyone can help me - please do. I am a mess - frantic, constant rolling severe panic attacks, can't sleep, can't eat (literally - i've lost so much weight in one month its downright scary), can barely leave my room, can't do anything. About a 5-6 weeks ago we started the adoption of a child - something I have wanted and wanted - but every week we got closer to the baby coming home I started to freak out more and more to the point my husband didn't think it would work (very understandably) and called it off. Since then (Monday) its only gotten worse as now I can't stop panicking about messing everything up and not having a child when before all I did was panick about not being able to handle a newborn and all the stress. I am on Lexapro (have been for years) but not sure that is working anymore but in the meantime my doctor prescribed xanax these past couple weeks. As part of my anxiety I'm such a hypochondriac I'm terrified of taking anything. I literally can barely get it down my throat and then if I do I freak out imaging all the bad things it is doing to me. For xanax first I thought it was causing my throat to swell and then after I got past that fear after a day or two I feel like it was making my heart pound about 15 minutes after I took it and I was in a cold sweat. Now they want me to try klonopin that I've literally been staring at for 3 hours now and can't take it. I'm a total mess. I know if I can't figure this out here they will soon want to hospitalize me which is a whole other terror induces thought for me. Please help. any advice is appreciated.
they won't hospitalize you no insurance company would OK it and

not taking xanax or K is a good thing.

these drugs may help short term but long term they will likely be very harmful

good luck
sandyf - I was on 15mg of lexapro - now moved up to 20mg in the last month. I think its been almost two years I've been on this. I noticed some issues (random panic attacks) about 4-5 months ago but just took it as a bad period (husband layed off work for a couple months etc). However now i'm in full blown panic all the time and I can't take much more. I wake up every morning in such panic I just want...well you know. And yes I have a job that I just had to take a leave of abscence and trying to hide this from my son is unbearable. I can't seem to shake the panic and beating myself up for messing up the adoption.

This is my 3rd anti-depressant over my life. I think zoloft might have worked better for me anxiety wise but it had its share of side effects for me which is why I finally tried the switch from zoloft.

I'm so phobic about taking drugs its ridiculous and no one understands since I need them so much and it would be the thing that might help. I don't understand it either. It's like I think they are going to kill me or something even though half the time I want it all to end a the same time - as I said i'm a comlete mess right now. I literally (or my husband) has to stand there and force me to take them and then can only do it some chunks as someone recommended.

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