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Hello,
New member here - I wanted to share my story just to get it out there, and see if anyone can relate, and perhaps provide feedback. I am a 38 year old male, who does not drink or use non-perscription drugs of any kind .

For me, anxiety started about a decade ago when working in a high stress giant software company up in Washington state. At the time I was also on my way to becoming a full fledge alcoholic. I noticed anxiety coming on when important meetings were looming that I had to speak in. I went to my doctor and he gave me xanax to help with those ordeals. Of couse I started to abuse the xanax as well. This went on for about six years the alchohol increased. I got a DUI in 2006 and tried to get clean, but life was topsy turvy and I ended up loosing my job, had to sell my house, and my wife of 10 years decided to split with the kids.

Over the next few years, I continued to struggle with alcohol , but eventually got back together with my wife, and we all ended up in the Bay Area of California. I had a new job, and things were looking up. However, I think I had undiagnosed depression and it was frustrating to try and get proper care/someone to listen to me and help me through my health providor.

I relapsed on alcohol in Feb of 08 and my wife said she was going to leave me. I went off the deep end and started staying out late, drinking. until July 2nd of 2008 when I ended up crashing my motorcycle and ended up in a medically enduced coma in San Fran General for about 3 weeks. I messed myself up pretty badly - broke my femur in 5 places, shattered my knee cap, dislocated all of my left toes, damaged my kidneys, broke a few discs in my back, and broke a bone in my shoulder. Needless to say I was in the hospital for about 3 months (including one month in a very bad inpatient physical rehabilitation center - where I was the first person under the age of 50 to have been there in the last decade). The physical rehab place was VERY depressing and I longed for the day when I could go home.

My wife had told me, when I woke up from the coma that she decided to stay with me - I think I really needed to hear that to start on a path of rebuilding my life. When I got home, we slept in seperate bedrooms, and I was only home for a week when I was rushed back to the hospital as my foot had ballooned up. This was the first time I found out about staph infection and MRSA or even what it was. I was in the hospital for a week as they drained my foot over a period of three operations and sent me home to have the incision close by itself so it could continue to drain and get healthy.

At the end of 2008 I returned to the hospital as I had MRSA outbreak on my knee, then in the summer of 2009 I had to go into the hospital for about 5 days to have a large section of skin removed from knee to get rid of MRSA.

Around thanksgiving of 2009 I found out my wife was still planning on leaving me (found a seperate checking account/cell phone that she had kept from me). I also had been suffering from MRSA in my femur/knee area again - deep down inside but it was so bad that it had worked its way to the surface and I was having MRSA draining out of the side of my leg on a daily basis.

January of 2010, I went to the hospital again, this time for a week, to have the doctors REALLY try and get rid of much of the MRSA as possible and clean up my femur and knee. While I was in the hospital, my wife and kids were moving out of my house. I still have my kids on the weekends, but it's been tough.

I had to take all of January off from work to recover from this major operation and felt very fatigued during the recovery portion. I thought it was just my body trying to adjust/heal from all the staph infection/operation/wife moving out/etc.

The fatigue continued through the winter and into the spring - I often had problems getting up for work and was often 1-2 hours late.

Since I had never really settled the DUI matter in washington from 2006 I made preperations to go deal with that and thats when the anxiety & first ever panic attack started happening. I was very worried about the outcome of the court case, what to do about my driving privliedges (since not having a license since 2006 when the DUI happened) and just general money issues now living on my own and paying child support to my ex-wife.

As the weeks counted down to my court appointment and the anxiety/panic got worse I asked my doctor for some valium. He gave me some and it helped, but I had to go see my psychiatrist for longer term help.

I explained to him what was going on in my life and he suggested I start taking celexa. It seemed to help after about 4-8 weeks of taking it and things were looking better. I still had alot of fatigue, but at least the anxiety seemed to be curbing downward.

I then met a woman, and things got serious pretty quickly - we realized almost right away that the celexa was causing delayed ejaculation so I started going back to my psych doctor to try other medications that may have less sexual side effects.

At this point - mid/late summer 2010, I started trying various different medications - BuSpar, Luvox, etc. every one of them seemed to come with ED side effects and I was now on this rollar coaster ride of ups and downs with anxiety, depression, fatigue, and insomnia (I have always been a night person, but this past year I have not been able to get up when I stay up late when I used to be able to get up fine - or at least with only a little grumbling).

Things got tough between my girlfriend and I - problems in the bedroom, my insomnia, me worrying about money, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety.

She eventually broke up with me the week after thanksgiving, and at that time I decided I would try celexa again. Which I have been on for about three weeks. I went to her house to try and work things out and we are back together now on a trial run.

But here is where I am at currently - I have started to eat better, cut out all caffenne, really cut down on refined sugers, eating wheat bread instead of white, no more soda, etc. I also have started swimming at the YMCA a few weeks ago - it's been tough to work out previously because regular exersize bikes/machines/etc really tear up my ankle, but swimming seems to help and not be quite as impactful.

I am still having MAJOR bouts of anxiety (long lasting throughout the work day to the point where I can not do any work at all, or the bare minimum, tightness in chest, and a general feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin, I get cold easily, have slight fevers or sweats, massive insomnia, feeling lathargic, tired, nothing seems of interest to me, and constant worrying about money, if I am going to perform in bed ok, if I am going to get noticed at work for doing a lousy job and let go, etc.)

I goto group therapy once a week for the last six months and started personal therapy about a month ago. I've been on the celexa for about 3 weeks now.

This week has been ESPECIALLY bad - I set the alarm for 8am, but keep resetting it and dont get out of bed until 10:30-11am. I can't fall asleep at night even with sleeping aids (which I think also are contributing to my anxiety). The last two days after work all I have been able to do is go home and lie down - watch TV or goto sleep - but then that keeps me up until the middle of the night because I wake up at 9 or so, need to eat, and cannot fall back asleep until 2-3am.

These past few weeks I feel like all I have done at work is sit and read up on anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and what types of vitamins to take to help stop besides what I am doing already. Sometimes I try and breathe deeply but that doesnt seem to work and I get winded easily.

I know I still have some MRSA inside of me - just did some blood work a few days ago and some of the warning signs are slightly on the rise (no where near where they were at last year) but getting back up there. So I am upping my antibiotic back up to 2 a day (doxycycline) instead of the normal one.

I have been on Morphine for the last 2.5 years since the initial accident, but have weaned down from 480mg a day last year at this time to about 30-60mg a day now. I stopped taking ambian because it seemed to be contributing to the daily anxiety episodes. I have been taking restirol but that doesn't seem to be helping much any more.

As for vitamins, I take ginkgo biloba, B complex, B3, E, D, Gentle Iron, Probiotics, Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium.

I have been smoking for about 4 years now - but been trying to quit over the last 2-3 months (its been very tough).

The anxiety, fatigue, and general lack of interest in doing things has been really taking its toll on my well being of late and I feel like I am doing everything I can to try and combat it - my psych doctor can be frustrating at times and doesn't seem to understand the "whole picture" but it's tough to keep going back and back or searching for a new psych doctor. I have worked with my general practitioner about the fatigue as well, and all tests came back normal that he ran (a plethera of blood work).

I am worried that I am going to loose my girlfriend again, loose my job, and worse, just continue to feel so anxiety ridden and fatigued that I am going to just stop functioning all together. I know I carry alot of things on my shoulder (the divorse, working things out with the courts, money, worry about job, girlfriend, driving without license (have no choice), bum leg, etc.) and am very frustrated that I cannot seem to find a solution out of this hole - days when I am not at work seem to be much better than when I am at work, have thought about changing jobs, but want to feel better first, know I can get up on time to be at work, and perhaps get my driving situation improved before I make that next leap - plus I have phobia about having to start a new job with new people and have it end up the same or worse than what it is now.

Last year, even in the middle of the large MRSA outbreak I had no fatigue or anxiety - this all seems to be new this year...just want to feel beter :)





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