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Anxiety Message Board


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Hi, i'm the new guy. Nice to meet you all.

i'ev suffered from anxiety probably since i was a teenager, but my first panic attack happened more likely in college. i'm a rare case in that i have a blood/ needles/ medical phobia so sometimes when i have attacks, i pass out. Really sucks.

In 2002, my then-wife had me get into therapy as it was a strain on the marriage. The therapist recommended a med and soon i went on Celexa, despite that i'm scared of medications. To that point i had taken very small amounts of xanax when needed, which was maybe a few times a year for stressful situations. The psychiatrist laughed when he asked how much i took and i responded "i break the .25 pill in half, usually and take that". He said that was basically a placebo.

Anyway, after one hour on the celexa, my life changed. The level of fear i felt was a quantum leap forward in anything i had ever felt previously. i stopped after a week, but it took probably 7 months and a steady diet of .50 xanax to make it through.

The feeling i got was far beyond panic attacks. It's just like this horrible horrible feeling that comes from seemingly nowhere. Sometimes i dont know how i can take anymore. Not really a panic attack, i have those too as i've mentioned. This is far worse. To the point of depersonalization to a certain extent and my thoughts become so jumbled i lose the center to everything, if that makes any sense. "Am i real?", "What is reality?" etc etc

Since that time, i've managed to get rid of the emergency feeling, but the anxiety is always around as im sure most of you here understand. But recently, my mom is slowly dying. Won't get too into it but let me just say we are as close as any child and parent can be. She is the pillar in my life. To complicate matters i live 8 hours away from her and my dad is also starting to lose his mind; police called the other day about his crashing into things. he needs help, too, but mom is my first concern. Beyond that, i live alone and barely am making money enough to survive. It seems like everything, even the smallest thing is too much to handle at this point.

Didnt mean to write a novel here, i just needed to vent, reach out and also see if anyone else has had a similar 'feeling' to what i'm describing.

i know well the symptoms of anxiety include a feeling of unreality and fear coming from nowhere, but despite that... with all the stressors coming at me.. it just feels like it takes me to some other parallel universe of fear. i mean that as a non metaphor, it's very tangible.

Thanks for any input or help. Any success stories with anyone that have something really similar would definitely be appreciated.





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