It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Anxiety Message Board


Anxiety Board Index
Board Index > Anxiety | 0-9 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Hello,

Approximately 3 years ago I started having severe anxiety at work. I had a difficult time speaking in meetings or to supervisory figures. I hid it and fought against it for about 2 years until it was so bad, I couldn't logistically hide it anymore. I admitted to myself that my feelings and fears weren't normal and started investigating how to repair myself. After some time I realized that being honest about my afflictions was a big step in healing. After all, holding all my emotions in was probably the root of this evil anyway... I spoke to my immediate supervisor about what was happening and asked her for some flexibility with my duties while I figured out how to fix my problem. Which by the way any therapist will tell you is the wrong thing to do... and popular belief is the same, which makes taking a step back to figure things out extra difficult. If you are a therapist, stop saying that!! I needed to figure out what was wrong, what would work for me to heal and various coping strategies. I needed to rebuild my self-esteem and develop a new sense of bravery to 'get back in there'. Business as usual is not the answer, I don't care what your text book says. But, I digress...

She let me do whatever I needed...until she was fired. My new boss clearly had no idea. Not only was it difficult to have to reveal again such personal information to a complete stranger, it was even more difficult to discover she didn't get it. She told me it was an expectation of my job that I attend meetings (some of them with a reputation of being VERY hostile). So I upped my celexa to 30mg daily and kept ativan in my pocket for munching on pre-meeting. Shortly after it was Peer Review time and my new manager (who knew nothing about me) was required to evaluate me. Here is what she wrote under "needs improvement"
"Has difficultly speaking at meetings, needs to gain confidence".

I was horrified! There it was in black and white, on my permanent record. I'll never be promoted. The more I thought about it the more angry I got. If I was a diabetic and had to eat every hour to maintain my glucose levels would it be appropriate to write "Has difficultly refraining from frequent snacking" ?? No one would dream of pointing out this kind of interruption, because diabetes is a recognized, unavoidable disease. Anxiety disorders instead are viewed as weaknesses, kept up primarily by a suborn personal unwillingness to 'push through'.

When I went to another supervisor about my concerns, I was told I'd probably disagree with anything she said on account of how much I disliked her for her lack of empathy. I went off work sick, applied into a different department and haven't looked back.

Its been just over 6 months... I took the time and did the soul searching, read the books, saw the therapists... I m off my meds and feel like I am finally on the down hill ride of my recovery. Its bugging me though - was it okay for her to write that?





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:45 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!