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My anxiety rant...
Jun 24, 2011
Anxiety has slowly and methodically destroyed my life. My biggest disappointment is that it is not a terminal condition and that I'm probably going to have to suffer with it for many more decades before I finally get some peace. Other than debilitating anxiety, I'm actually very physically healthy and have no symptoms/risk factors for any disease that I know of. But who wants to live a long life if every waking moment is terribly uncomfortable? I've lived with near constant chest pain, hot flashes, and head/eye pressure for 5 years now and I can attest that it is no way to live your life. But, I appear to be powerless to do anything about it. I basically just suffer and bear it, but I'm really starting to lose my will to fight it. It just seems so pointless, because without vitality I cannot be happy. I can be very happy without money and status, but I flat-out am miserable if I don't feel well. And when I don't feel well, I hate everything. I know that I should look at the positive things in life like family and friends, but I feel like crap and it makes me not care about my family and friends. I used to be a believer in a benevolent God, but this experience has totally obliterated that belief. I cannot fathom what possible lesson I'm supposed to learn by being irritible and uncomfortable every waking moment of every day of my life. If there is a lesson in there somewhere, I must be too stupid or blind to see it. All this suffering is accomplishing is that it is driving a wedge between me and my loved ones, making me an incompetent worker who cannot concentrate for more than 5 minutes at a time, causing me to resent everyone I see who appears to not be in pain, and making me hope that it is all over soon so that I can finally be rid of it once and for all.

Well, that's how I feel. I didn't mean to offend anyone, so if I did I'm sorry.





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