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I think it just hit me like a hammer to the head. I'm so afraid of everything, and I mean everything. I have been thinking of trying to find a psychiatrist who can help me, but then I started thinking of one who could specialize in my fears. I've been to many in the past, but we would focus on the present fear I had at that time, or relaxation techniques. Helps, but doesn't help completely and after my pocketbook is drained I have to stop. Well, then I started making a list of all my fears. Oh my gosh, it's everything, from eating and choking, swimming and drowning, getting in an elevator, being in an airplane, afraid of heights, HEALTH is HUGE, I'm always afraid every health symptom I'm dying of some health problem, mostly my heart, and it dawned on me, I think it's the fear of dying. Then I started bawling, I"m not ready to die, I don't now what's going to happen when I die. I know we HAVE to physically die, and that's a problem with me, I'm not in control of my own body. I don't like not being in control! So, I seriously think that might be at the stem of everything. I don't know, I'm just talking out loud since you guys are the only ones I can talk to. What do you guys think? I've been so scared of what my heart results are tomorrow that I haven't slept in over a week and wake up in full panic attacks. I think it's more than my heart, I'm not ready to die. I need to find my way back to faith and the higher power that is. I don't believe when I die that's it, but obviously there is something that is scaring me to death. Thanks for listening to me vent, I'm an emotional mess right now and dealing and coping the best I can. Day 12 on Lexapro, last two days 10mg, and xanax as needed. Hopefully it can get me to a calm place where I can start getting some mental help. Michelle





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