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Anxiety Message Board


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First off, wow. I have had almost exactly the same issue that you have. It wasn't till recently that I began analyzing myself and the possible causes of my so called brain tumor. My mom alway called me a a hypochondriac when I was little and I basically forgot about that and at the same point didn't believe her cause who fakes having disorders or diseases right. Well I have just begun my college career (born in the US but raised in saudi arabia) here in the US and at first it was great. Now, I cant even find the confidence to talk to someone at like a cash register, when ordering food or what not. I feel totally withdrawn from society. I literally worry about being nervous. Don't get me wrong, I have always been some sort of an anxious person and people can tell you that. But right now, for the past 4 months I have contemplated suicide to solve my problems and the problems that I have caused in my family due to me pushing everyone away probably because of the anxiety. I have been to doctor's and psychiatrists before, presenting my issues (constantly googling symptoms of disorders and diseases to give me some sort of rest on what is the underlying cause of my condition) and have been given medication (ativan, lexapro, and xanax) they all work but as soon as I come down the same gut wrenching feeling returns in full force. Today I woke up after a night of saying to myself "tomorrow will be a new day and I will make the best of it and live it like its my last", I had trouble leaving my room to say good morning to my relatives, probably ashamed that they would judge me for the way I talk and for the things I say. I literally cant take this. I go to sleep in fear and wake up in fear (my anxiety from writing this was indescribable but at the same time rewarding, I have trouble talking to people in person - so psychiatrists + doctors don't get full story from me). To conclude my rambling story, living life in fear has caused me to think everyone and everything is out to get me.
The last paragraph in your post really allowed me to see that I most likely am a hypochondriac accompanied by a depressive and anxiety filled personality. Constantly searching for answers to problems that don't exist is my problem. It is something that I have always done my entire life and as of now I'm only discovering this. I have always removed myself from people and other situations just to over think whatever I'm doing or about to do (I know, why be nervous about the future when it hasn't happened). Starting now, I will try my very best to stop analyzing my so called symptoms and to just feel normal.





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