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I am wondering how I can get out of my currently discomforting situation. There are days that go by pretty well. But then there are those were I feel light headed, can't concentrate, have negative thoughts (sometimes even ones in which I am dying), get dizzy and sometimes nauseaous. Everything seems to be so stressy and I literally don't want to do anything. Yet if I don't do something I know that I wont distract myself from what I might feel. It is very difficult to convince myself that I am healthy and it's because my nerves play tricks on me.
In the past I have been to several doctors and done several EKGs and also a stress test, but they all came back fine. Just like the ones of most of you here.

Everything started on an evening when I was at home and prepared dinner for myself. At that time I was studying and not exercising at all. School was difficult and I spent my spare time learning and playing computer games (counter-strike and world of warcraft). I also played until late at night and had sometimes only about 6 hours of sleep. What a fool I was.
That particular night I experienced what people call a panic attack. Chest tightness, difficulty breathing, feeling week, burning sensations in my chest and felt like I was collapsing. My parents where there and they calmed me down. It seemed to work and I was feeling well rather shortly. But after a few minutes it almost started again. Not so bad, but my heart was racing and I was very scared. This was the beginning of my life with anxiety. Things got worse and finally I was prescribed 40mg Paxel and 30mg of Mirtabene.

I wanted to add that a few days before this happened I saw a professional soccer player collapse and die on a soccer playground. It was broadcasted on television and it struck me. Ever since I always thought that this might happend to me as well. Especially since I had the panic attack, which somehow "proved" to me how instable a persons health can be. Although I am not drinking, alcohol nor coffeine. I eat in a healthy manner (no fast food at all) and I exercise at least three times a week (karate). I take vitamins as well. However my star sign is Aquarius and those are prone to have difficulties with their heart (circulation function). And I did notice even when I was younger that I sometimes had what people call missed heart beats. My twin brother has them as well, but he had no panic attack at the time and can deal with stress more easily, so it seems.

The last few years I was rather relaxed and everything felt alright (that was a time where I took 40mg for over 3 years). I also started dating girls, which I didn't do before. Unfortunately everytime I tried to get off the meds the anxiety would come back. It is like it was lurking there all the time just waiting to get me.

Last year I was tapering down from 40mg to 30, 20, 10 and then nothing (suggestion by my doctor). The 11th day into being of Paxel I got extremely anxious at night. My heart was racing and I couldn't sleep. It was terrible. So I went back to 10mg, without relief.
On the 1th of January I started taking 20mg, since my doctor suggested that. After two or three weeks I was somewhat starting to feel better. But ever since now I am still not doing good.

Like I said, there are good days and bad ones and I know that I have to believe in that it will get better and I was alright before and it has to become normal again. The problem is that it takes sooooo long to recover. I hope I will. I am reading books on the topic and trying different techniques to relax (relaxing music, deep breathing, autogen training), but when it really gets bad they all seem to stop working.

Has someone mad it through the process of recovery. How long do you think it might take? I know it is hard to answer, because everybody is different and everyone's life is different. But I am like not having to stress myself, not in my familiy and not even at work and still I feel anxious about every small thing. It's simply not normal.





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