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My Anxiety Story
Mar 20, 2012
I use these boards when I have panic attacks to calm myself, so if my story can help someone then I figured I should post it.

Warning: This is probably going to be the length of a book.

About two years ago I was in semi-good shape (for me). I had no health related fears. I knew I was a bit chunky and I could "feel" my blood pressure at times being a little up there. Life was overall great. I should note at this point that my mother, sister, grandmother, and an aunt all suffer from panic disorder. One day everything changed.

I was at work talking on the phone with an insurance company when I felt two pulsations in my right temple. I had enough time to think "that's odd" and then it hit me. My limbs started going cold and doom started to surround me. I quickly finished the phone call and gave the person in front of me a quick answer and went to tell my supervisor about it. I was sure that I was going to pass out and/or die. I just knew this was an aneurysm. I was missing the "worst headache of your life" part (did not know about it at the time). This was actually painless. The pulses had felt like nothing more than strong heart beats. I got better, so to speak, and continued working. The experience drained all my energy.

Throughout the day I had a few "ice pick" 1/2-1 second headaches on the right side of my head. That evening my head felt like it was burning when it touched the pillow. I did not fall asleep for good until 5 am from constantly waking up with severe motion sickness. The next day the motion sickness continued. By day 4 or so, I wasn't worried about it anymore and continued my life.

Two weeks later I noticed mild motion sickness and woke up sick twice. The next day I was weak and dizzy. That evening the pulsations happened again on the same side. This time I went directly to the ER. They did a CT scan and it came back negative for anything. They wrote it off as those painless migraines.

So it began. For the next several months (almost 1-2 weeks apart every time) I would have these "bad attacks" with numbness, empty feeling in the stomach, sensations of doom. A few times I even have trouble breathing. Over the past two years I have only went to the ER twice, but I've probably wanted to go 8 times. Sometimes I can stop an attack before it gets too bad, other times they spiral out of control. I've been told these are Panic Attacks, but probably like everyone else that gets them, I worry that they are something worse. My go to problem is aneurysms. I've only had the pulsations three times, they don't seem to be a part of it anymore. I have went into panic mode from simply bumping my head though.

I went on medical leave from school for a year due to these (costing considerable money). I've went from 220 to 310 pounds (60 of which were over 2-3 months). I am now a hypochondriac and I have a crippling fear of death. I worry about every single pain or odd feeling I have. I've probably spent more on healthcare in the past two years than all the rest of my life combined. I worry about aneurysms, DVTs, strokes, heart attacks, and the list goes on. I'm scared to exercise now because I actually believe I'll blow an aneurysm (though during the first month or two, physical activity did cause sharp pains in my right temple).

I've had a CT, MRI, EKG, XRay, EEG, etc.

Lately palpitations have been giving me some trouble along with some ice pick headaches. I just pray everyday to get to live another one, though in all reality I'm probably fine and should be sending those prayers to people who really need them.

Sorry that this wasn't very well structured.



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