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Hi everyone,

My name is Jessica and for 4 years I have been having panic attacks. I'm 21, academically successful, athletic, with a great group of friends and family. I had my first attack at 17 when I was at my dads in Florida. He left town for a week for his honeymoon and I was staying with his side of the family. One night at dinner I started crying, felt like I had been drugged, and went to the car with my brother where I hardly remember talking to him. I went to the Mayo Clinic because I thought I had a seizure, but they just gave me some Ativan and sent me away. This attack lasted for days and days. I was scared, but I got over it by relaxing on the beach, taking my medicine, and talking with my brother. . Well, I was already on 30 mg of Paxil for depression so I bounced back relatively quickly (compared to now), but when my psychiatrist felt the Paxil was making me manic and "flirty", so he switched me to Prozac then Lexapro although none of them worked. I was perfectly fine by that point, so it didn't bother me that the medicine didn't give me that hype that Paxil did.

I went 2 years without another episode. On Oct. 2010, I had an attack on a plane when I was flying to see my boyfriend at his college. It was so bad, I had to return home 3 days earlier than expected. Not only was I not on medication (I had pretty much stopped taking anything since I felt fine), but my doctor wouldn't prescribe any sort of benzo without an appointment. So I make it home and immediately go see my psychiatrist who prescribed me Paxil again, which did NOT work this time. I was also on Remeron for sleep because I was unable to sleep or eat (lost a good 10 or so lbs). It made me too tired and so after tons of trial and error I am finally on 75 mg of Zoloft and 15 of Buspar. My question is, how much should I rely on medicine? Weird question, but I have just been suffering again from obsessive thoughts after being okay for a few months. Does that mean the medicine isn't working? Or do I need to rely more on myself? Not sure if that makes sense.

My biggest anxiety is disease/dying. If I hear about a disease, I Google it and immediately feel that I have those symptoms. After mono, I developed chronically swollen lymph nodes. I was checked for Lupus, had a biopsy to check for cancer, tons of blood work, etc. After my first panic attack I also had a full neurological work up, saw an endocrinologost, oncologist, etc. etc. I never had any negative reports, but I am absolutely terrified of cancer. I got hooked on melanoma a few months ago, went to the dermatologist and had hom biopsy tons of moles. All came back benign. Now I'm worried about ovarian cancer. I have had IBS since 7th grade. My stomach would bloat like I was pregnant, but that subsided in 11th grade. I still have tummy troubles sometimes, but after reading about ovarian cancer I am petrified. I even had a pelvic ultrasound done when all the pain was happening but it showed nothing. That should rule out cancer, right? Also, wouldnt cancer symptoms get worse rather than better? I know I'm rambling, but i would just like some reassurance. I have an appointment with my gp in two weeks and I'm just going to bite the bullet and ask for a scan of the abdomen/pelvis just to give me some peace of mind. Do you think it's a good idea?





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