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A couple questions
Jul 15, 2012
Hi guys , I know you probably have people join and instantly asking questions.. But ive been down the anxiety/depression fields before so this isnt your typical question.

Ok guys.. When i was 18 I just couldnt take the stress and panic attacks that i had been going through for YEARS through pretty much all of my childhood , always the quiet , shy , never outspoken , never doing anything other than being in my own little protective shell... I decided i need to speak to my doctor.
He told me that he was pretty sure that i had some depression problems and that for years i had been plagued by anxiety. And its true i was severely depressed , breaking up with my highschool love and all.. 2 years with someone , no matter the age , is still two years... And i was torn apart , my only attachment at the time was being at work for the brief amount of time that i was , the rest was sitting in my room... Doing nothing... but i had always been pretty depressed before this. And as for the anxiety , ive already mentioned the panic attacks , but i was also plagued by fears and hesitations , what ifs , and regrets of the simplest of decisions , that seriously tore away at my conscious thoughts. Literally always as far as i can remember back in my childhood.. Falling asleep has always been a matter of passing out due to not being able to stop worrying about things.. So my doc put me on some meds , honestly i cant remember the 1st two , they did very little for me , one did nothing , and the other made me so hostile i through my father into a wall in a scuffle and him and i didnt speak for awhile... Then , my doctor prescribed me Lexapro... 10mg.. It made me feel alittle better but was abit weak til i messed up a few days in a row and took 20mg... It worked greatly.. He changed me to 20mg..And for the first time in my life... It was like a gate of warm *** relief was showering upon me. In a month , i was sleeping better , falling asleep AT WILL!! , my work had picked up in speed and diligence , i focus'd better , i was told that i talked more , that i was even more fun because i actually put the effort in to hanging out with my friends , i literally opened up more than anything i could have ever desired... I found courage , asked the girl i cared for out , lets just say that worked out REALLY well for abit , lol , but you get the picture... I was like a new more outspoken and REFRESHED person...

Until August 20th 2011... 6 days after my 20th birthday.... I lost my job... And because i had a new car payment that had to be paid , my loving parents took over on this.. And of course with no income , and my parents paying for my Cell , Insurance , Car , AND of course gas , among all other necessities , my meds , no longer had a place in mine , or my parents wallets. I had read that Lexapro wasnt addicting when i first started it , but it took me 3 months to stop literally screaming in my head that i needed it.. I finally got a parttime job in Feb of this year... But all of my earnings goes to what my family ask of me.. I have ruined everything in my parents life.. They all seem so happy but i cant see how with all of their money being spent on me.... I'll be honest , i bring about 102 in a week , id bring in more , but i put 15 extra into withholding everyweek...

Now... I cant stand this anymore... My stress levels are insane... My panic attacks are worse than ever.... I am literally to the point of tears with only the panicattacks.. No matter how much of a good day it seems.. Its always horrible. And ive decided i cant take it anymore. So ive removed my extra withholdings on an updated w4 and im going to go to the doctor again Wednesday. But i need something as strong if not stronger than lexapro.

The idea that i might have to be off of lexapro again if i started back and go through what i did scares the living hell out of me.. But honestly.. an addiction would keep me on track so if theres a better med , let me know... My doctor would never put me on anything that would harm me , so please offer any ideas you have....

And honestly , do you think i suffer from just normal anxiety/depression , or is this GAD or worse.. Because i trust my own judgement... And this is pretty damn severe for me.

Thanks guy's/girls... Trey.

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