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I'm 23 years old and I've had on and off anxiety for 5 years.

When I was 18 I was in a very degrading and emotionally painful relationship, I got food poisoning which lasted 2 months and because of the emotional abuse I got from my then boyfriend, I developed anxiety which meant whenever I left the house, I was anxious and usually threw up in public, i lost my place at college, my social life dived and I just fell apart.

I eventually left him and met someone new, he helped me get over the major parts of my anxiety, it took a year or two, I'm not sure how long really, I now realise i wasn't completely well but my life became manageable.

I was okay from around 2007-2010, I suffered with Depression more than anxiety but I had a full blown (text book) panic attack on the 17th of October 2010, just before going to a comedy gig. This set me back around 6 months and I ended up getting Cognitive Therapy.

It's been almost a year since I last had therapy and I've been in work for around 7-9 months and my current job became stressful, people turned against me that I worked with and eventually I broke and my panic attacks came back.

So far I've had 3 bad episodes at work, once being sent home, once being half an hour late. I had a panic attack getting off the bus and i've had a taxi to work for the past 2 weeks.

I am waiting for my cognitive therapy to start again as I've revisited the doctor, I'm going again Friday because frankly since last seeing her, I got worse.

Right, my anxiety started with lump in throat and vomiting, (I have a fear of throwing up in public), even thought I've only ever heaved in public and nothing bad happened from it, I'm still afraid of doing it out of embarrassment. In October 2010, I had what I class as a text book panic attack, shortness of breath, dizziness, panic, feeling trapped and all that. I then experienced heart palpitations for most of the time afterwards, pit of the stomach anxiety and such.

This time, my original anxiety has come back, I developed a lump in my throat, feels like flem, it rises so high that it activates me gag reflex and then i gag or heave and if i can't get on top of it, usually throw something up. Not food, just bile or saliva. I've once let myself get so bad I spent my entire shift at work running to the toilet to heave and heaving into the receptionist bin (I'm a receptionist at Tenpin, which is surrounded by customers pretty much all shift).

The only thing I can do right now is go out if my boyfriend is around, or go to work and I find that incredibly hard to the point as I usually have a panic attack just before the taxi arrives. I am hoping to be able to push myself to town some time, I was going to do it today (Tuesday) but I woke up with a problem with my neck and my anxiety is high, I know within myself I need to start taking buses again, it's just finding the strength.

I joined one other anxiety forum but i never got a reply so left, I hope this ones better :) I just need to chat to people who know how I feel.

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