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I haven't been officially diagnosed with SAD but I'm 99,999% sure I have it.

For pretty much my whole life I've enjoyed my solitude, feeling totally empty and scared at the same time (I know it sounds weird). Scared of ending up alone for the rest of my life, getting sick and dying alone. I know a lot of it stems from the fact that I am an only child; so when my mom dies, I have no one (my father is pretty much a narcissist).

I've had a few SHORT, pretty meaningless relationships with guys I've met online- I'm not the sort of girl guys actually approach although I've been told that I'm an attractive woman- on the Internet at least.

Everytime I dated someone I felt anxious- constantly feeling like I'm being judged, criticized and so on. Like the guy is looking for a reason to dump me.

Then... I actually did end up getting dumped. By two different guys.

Now I've met someone new and I have hard time trusting him. Every second I'm with him my hands are sweaty, I get heart palpitations and I feel like I'm gonna faint.

I'm constantly feeling like he's monitoring my every move- and at the same time feeling like he couldn't care less about what I have to say.

Also, I'm a lousy cook. And I feel that as a woman, I should be able to cook for him. But I can't- cause I get extremely CLUMSY if I know he may enter the kitchen to check what I'm doing.

I'm too embarrassed to just throw something in the microwave and hit 2 minutes.

I dunno what to do about all of this. I don't wanna live with this dreadful ANXIETY; nor do I wanna worry about whether he's going to dump me.

I start to feel like I should just dump him and end this misery that I'm putting myself into- but I know that I'd just regret it and end up looking for someone new sooner or later.

So you people with social anxiety; do you just accept your single status or how do you deal with being in a new relationship (or going on dates)?
Learn that there is nothing wrong with you. If someone does not want to be with you, that is not YOUR problem.

Live and take it day at a time. I was with someone 5 years and one day he just didn't want me anymore. Totally screwed me up. But I know it is up to me to let myself have a new relationship (which I am totally not ready for). Everything happens in its own time.





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