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So the past year+ I've been feeling bad on and off, with different symptoms in the spotlight for different periods of time.

I've been on a slow annoying journey and am just starting to truly accept it's anxiety/depression/stress, at such a level that it's a constant physical illness now. My job, housing, and unhappy lifestyle are all contributing, but mostly stems from nonstop negative thoughts and not dealing with my issues.

But I'm having trouble understanding the physiology of it, specifically that I feel AWFUL just from exercising or even laughing too hard, supposedly positive things.

Every day in varying degrees and varying times I get:

- headaches (mostly like a pressure in temples and sides of head)
- sore neck, usually accompanied by the lymph nodes in neck protruding a bit when it's very sore on the side
- fatigue
- general weak feeling
- nausea feeling
- sternum is sore, and sticking chest out and pushing on it HURTS
- eyes constantly sore and tired
- legs and feet easily get sore and occasional nerve "buzzing" in left foot
- occasional cold tingly hands/feet
- sore throat, like a sharp lump behind adam's apple
- chest pains
- palpitations

If I do some pushups, or lift some heavy things (I do some shipping of construction tools, blades etc. so have to carry heavy boxes), or laugh really hard (just found this out today), basically anything that typically would pressurize your bloodflow (picture someone bench pressing way too much weight, that kind of head-vein inducing pressure) - I feel that extreme pressure really easily, and then feel sick and tired and sore for hours. It's really frustrating that I can't work out to get in better shape because of this.

I'm just kind of confused and worried about all this, like is this going to be how I feel by default forever now? I am just worried that I might in the future break down.

I know I should seek a psychologist, but I have so much apathy that I can't even set up an appointment, and I feel guilt and self-hate because I've shared this with close family and they want to support me but it all comes down to ME taking action, and I just don't want to do ANYTHING. I don't want to participate in life. I don't want to work, but I don't want to deal with the shittiness that would bring, so I trudge on in a general malaise for life.

I say things like 'I love you' to family but it only makes me feel awkward and ashamed because I don't know if I really do. I feign excitement or interest just so people will stay off my case. All I truly think of when I think, "what do I want to do?", is I just want to lie around being distracted (TV, internet, etc.) and eat junk food (which I can't do much without pain and suffering anymore). No aspirations. I think I desire human companionship but the thought of how to go about it immediately terrifies me (I'm 27 and never even asked someone on a date...).

Sorry for the long-winded post, just felt I needed to reach out and find some common experiences if nothing else.

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