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Re: So nervous
Jun 5, 2003
Hi threenorthernlights,

It's a physical response to what you were thinking about at the time during something physical happening between the two of you. After it happened, your thoughts were fearful and probably made the feeling in your face more numb.

Now, you've developed a behavioural response (cancelling and avoidance) because of the physical response (numb face) because of the anxiety of what you're thinking (it'll happen again if I go out with him).

question....has this happened with anyone else or in another situation..or only with this one guy?

I've had it happen to me (a few times) in different situations. Once when I had to interpret (sign language) at an assembly in the school where I was working. There were special guests and I was obviously nervous. I thought it was because of my neck. It could have been, and I did get a little weird about it (but only inside my head). No one else noticed and I didn't really notice it go away because I was so focussed on what I had to do.

If you like this guy, go out with him.

In cognitive therapy (which I've done through a psychologist for my anxiety), it's the automatic irrational thoughts that affect our reactions which become physical. Yours affected your face, which was probably a result of the tightness of your jaw or neck..etc from the anxiety you were experiencing.

If you are meaning getting physical..I'll assume it was kissing? or other....whatever it was, if you could go back to that day and try to remember what you were thinking at that moment you may find the key to the problem.

What you are experiencing now is the anticipation of the numb face problem happening again if you go out with him and what will he think? But you don't know if it would happen or not. If you cancel (again), you will never know. One thought and one response has now developed a new behaviour for you. You will utilise this behaviour to avoid situations in the future...and soon it will become so automatic and set you up for other behaviours that you won't go anywhere. In other'll become a habit as it's starting to now.

Get a pen and paper and write down your thoughts about that day last year when the numbness happened and then the thoughts you are having today. Are the thoughts today irrational? Now, write down some rational thoughts. Think of what you might do if it does happen. Will you get bent out of shape.....or just say "Wow, this guy really has an effect on me. I must really like him if I have such a strong reaction to him."

If you do go out with him..why not have an input as to where you will go. Don't set yourself up to have anything "physical" happen between you...maybe go out for supper, to a movie, whatever or wherever you will feel more comfortable. If you have some control over that you could have a less anxious time.

If that date is more relaxed, you will be too. When you're finished the date and at home, write down your feelings and thoughts about how you were..etc. Anticipate the next time you go out.

Life's too short to waste it on anxiety. I've missed out on many things because of my avoidance habit.

If your relationship doesn't work with him....that's fine, but at least make it a conscious decision rather than being scared to go out with him because your face will go numb.

Think of it as excitement rather than distress. Change your perspective of what you are anticipating and you will at least be an active participant in your life and decision-making.

Have a great date......put your thoughts into what you'll wear, how your hair will be. Go out and have a facial, get your nails done and ENJOY your time with him.


We'll be waiting to hear if you had a good time ;-)

Best to you,

What were

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