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Dear hry33:
I got Valium after I had my surgery. It only put me to sleep.I mean, it was good for a muscle relaxer,but, I don't think I could function on it on a daily basis.
How I knew I was depressed was that I didn't want to do anything anymore. Sure, I HAD to function for my son. But, that was it. I was crying all the time,feeling like I was ruining my son's life, feeling guilty that I could feel that way. I mean, my son is such a JOY to me! He's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, a real gift from God. But, I was starting to think I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't going to make it, but maybe he'd be better off without me...HE knew something was wrong with me;I'm a fighter by nature, but I had NO fight left.
And, this may sound stupid but I didn't even want to go shopping anymore--and I was a SHOPAHOLIC! I didn't even want to leave the house! And, this from someone who HAD to get out of the house every day or I'd get crazy... :)
Today, my son and I went back -to- school shopping and for a cool new haircut (he finally cares what his hair looks like, he's 11 now...)Anyway, it was a GREAT day! I was "there" in the moment, completely. And, it was wonderful!
I don't want to stay on meds for any longer than I have to. I'll just go by what the doc tells me. But, I DO see an end to it...It's not permanent, I know.
I don't know if I ever mentioned anything about my husband. He is an alcoholic. He quit drinking for 5 years when I started to divorce him. Then I found out he's been drinking again right after my first surgery. Since then I've had a brain surgery, and he's only getting worse and worse. So,of course THAT could be part of the problem, too. I don't know. I was having anxiety attacks, not as bad as some on here---but the Paxil has REALLY been helping with that. I've taken Xanax before (my husband gets tons of them and drinks with them), they help with the physical symptoms of anxiety/panic, but they don't do much (for ME), in terms of feeling happier,more positive.
Don't know if this makes any sense or not. All I know is I haven't felt like myself---like this---in a long time! And, what's the harm? Valium and Xanax are meds, too...

Liz





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