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Beauty & Cosmetics Message Board

Beauty & Cosmetics Board Index

Hi, I posted this in another section but I thought I would also put it here.

I am 31 years old. I am ok looking and am grateful for no disfigurements and after going through 2 operations on my head this year deeply grateful for my life and to have enough hair to cover the area that was operated on. No one would even know.

But I have this gray hair growing where I had the operation. I feel like since I had the operation all of these new wrinkles and changes have happened in my body. And I have not been allowed to color my hair, please don't chastize me for this sentiment but I feel so bla with my dull brown hair that I have had to grow in (I am not allowed to dye my hair at this time).

After being a teenager who was mocked by other children, I used to have braces and a terrible sense of dressing, I became determined to never feel ugly again. And that meant changing myself. I changed my hair color incessantly and sought to look different and never be hurt again.

But over the last few years I have suddenly put on a bit weight( I am not overwieght just not thin anymore) and struggled in vain to control my
eating habits. My skin is constantly a mess, not acne, just some kind of dry hivey thing that I can't identify the cause of. And I have undereye circles all the time now. And I just want to cry all the time when I go out and I see all these younger women in their late teens early twenties who have no pores, are super thin and I realize that every man would more automatically gravitate towards them. I feel so sad.

No one seems to voice their hurt about this. And when I try to talk about it to people they tell me I am lucky to be alive (I already know that - it doesn't eliminate a desire to be attractive to others) or they say that I better get used to it cause there is more to come. How do you adjust to it? How can you go out with someone and not feel a sadness when a bunch of young lovelies come in front of you and you are sitting reading about the best undereye concealer. I want to get a grip on this -I do. And on an intellectual level and morally, I feel my insides are what should count and I have a lot to offer. But my body is changing and all the anti aging cream in the world can't stop it and I feel so ashamed. Please don't write back to tell me off, I really need compassion right now, to know anyone understands this disappointing change. If anyone has any ideas on books on this too I would be so grateful. Thank you in advance .....

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