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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Bipolar Disorder Board Index

My fianceí and I have been together 2 1/2 years. I love him more than anything. We have had many ups and downs and I am coming to the realization that he is Bipolar, and alot of things make sense now. He has told me of his past of very bad LSD trips and other drug addictions. ( possibly the cause of his bipolar or self medicating?) He has admitted to being diagnosed with psycosis and delusion as a result, but avoids the term bipolar. He has had success with treatments but relapses about every three years (which sadly puts this right on schedule.) I have dealt with him using drugs behind my back throughout our relationship. Iíve always trusted and believed it would be the last time. He always cries and swears he dosenít want to do them, and dosenít want to lie. He went back to see his past phsyciatrist and was put on Lexapro, Depekote, and Klonopins. He was doing so so on them for about a month. He got a very good job offer and we decided to move. He had to go first and when I came to visit him he was a whole different person I had never met. Making horrible comments to me, acting very hostal, compulsive, and violent (but he has NEVER layed a hand on me). I later found out he quit taking his meds but I am also 99% sure he must have used drugs again. I left and came home. Throughout the next week he wouldnít call me. When I called he was very mean & hung up on me. He then broke off our engagement. Although I know he loves me more than anything- I truely know that.Heís the best person to me when he is ďwellĒ. Besides him being a little selfish throughout our relationship, he is very loving and romantic.

This is my first time ever dealing with him like this. His family had to go and get him and now he is in a major major episode. His doc now put him on Lexapro, Zyprexa and Klonopins, on Wed., which has worked for him in the past. Itís been about a week and a half since I was there visiting him and he is still very violent, confused and frainkly out of control. I am staying in touch with his parents who have dealt with him like this before and they say when he says he wants to see me, they will know heís better. I guess they donít want me to see him right now to protect me. But I feel that if I am going to marry him; I need to see him like this, I need to be involved, and I want to help him! On the other hand, I now fear if I marry him I will be putting myself and our future family at risk of another one of these episodes. We have bills to pay (Iím 22 and heís 27) and he can not work right now like this. I donít know what to do. How can I make him see he needs to stay on meds to be stable? And that using drugs causes this? (Well he knows, but always goes back to them. I really donít think he WANTS to) How do I get past the hurtful things he has said to me, even if itís ďnot him saying themĒ? Why is he just erasing me out of his life right now when he should need me the most? Is it maybe his way of protecting me or coping or did he really just forget all about me? (he has called me one time since he has been back and he just talked really crazy BUT he did tell me he loved me before he got off and his dad says that is a good sign). Am I wrong for doubting this relationship when I should be helping him? I NEED support too. I am like freaking out right now. I am also a very anxiety and overly emotional person and I am afraid he may never be able to give the support I need when I am upset without always turning it into something about him. How is the right way to deal with such a horrible and long episode? Do these meds sound right for this or maybe they should be upped? I somewhat feel his family is dealing with him wrong by allowing him to run around their house ďcrazyĒ not to cause confrontation,they are treating him like a toddler. But they are the ones who have dealt with this before, not me.

I could use some advice. I donít want to lose him but have a fear of living like this the rest of my life. I would love any opinion, information, experience or success story. Thank you for your time and support!

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