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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Bipolar Disorder Board Index

I know things look bleak right now, but I promise it will get better. I promise!
Don't let the depression win. It tricks you into thinking you can't handle it anymore and that road leads to the hospital. You don't have to do that. And you don't have to accept the things people say about your diagnosis and its effects. Ask them if they would ask a diabetic everyday why they don't just get over it and have a candy bar!
You have a MANAGABLE illness like diabetes. Just because the symptoms are behavioral instead of purely physical doesn't mean you are at fault. You can't help feeling these things and acting this way right now, but you can help yourself.
I hope you got the Feeling Good Handbook. A lot of the things I hear from you right now are what it refers to as "cognitive distortions" I think when you look at them, you'll realize your thought patterns are tricking you into believing things are worse than they are.
There are many other medications you can take for BPD. Tell your doc you're sleepy all the time and they can try something else. Lithium is the standard, but I'm allergic so I take Lamactal and Zoloft. When I took depakote I had the same problems. I was sleepy all the time, gained weight and never had any energy. But when I changed meds, everything turned around.
You don't have to settle for depression, lethargy, anxiety, fear or chaos. There is a combination of meds that will work for you. You don't have to worry about your temper, you will be able to control it without much effort when you're on the right meds.
Please don't make decisions about your future right now. You are depressed and overwhelmed right now and this will change. The one thing you can count on right now is that your moods will change. Don't be afraid. Be aware. You'll find triggers and stresses that exacerbate your illness and only you can discover what they are. Your bf can help you, but since BPD's tend to not admit their symptoms while they're having them, it can be very hard on a relationship.
We've all been ashamed of the things we have done because of the illness. If you want to know more about mine, you can check the thread started by Goody2shuz called watching for manic episode. I haven't been able to talk about any of those things before trying to help Goody with her daughter.
We have all been there. You are not alone.
NAMI has a chapter in almost every city and they have great resources. Maybe you could find a BPD group in your area, so you don't feel so alone. People with this illness are everywhere and you don't have to go it alone.
Please, please, please don't lose hope. All of these things you are feeling are just the beginning of your discoveries about your brain chemestry. Every time you crash or get manic, you will learn more about how to control your symptoms. So, don't worry about feeling that way. Just make yourself get exercise and eat right no matter what. But don't kill yourself for everything you eat that you "shouldn't." BPD's spend a lot of time denying themselves things and it's hard to maintain that indefinately. Give yourself a break.
As far as the mania, it may come again without much warning, but only because you don't yet know how to identify the warning signs. With time you will be able to recognize the symptoms and stop them from spiraling out of control.
I know you're depressed right now. My heart goes out to you. I have been there so many times. But you are now on the road of healing. Stay strong.

It does not matter how quickly you move, so long as you do not stop.
-- Confucious

Hang in there. I'll be back here if you need me.

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