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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Bipolar Disorder Board Index

Hi everyone,
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and depression that developed after I got off of all the medication I was taking since the age of 13 for panic disorder. I no longer have panic attacks, or at least very rarely, and now my major problem is walking around with a constant sense of anxiety because of the OCD, and then being depressed about living my life this way. I realize that I don't have to live my life this way, but am practicing cognitive behavioral therapy instead of being medicated, as I've had horrible experiences with medication and have been on just about every single one of them out there. Anyway, part of my OCD is obsessing about mental illness. For years, I have had a changing diagnosis from panic disorder with agoraphobia, to generalized anxiety disorder, to social anxiety disorder, to depression, and even a somatoform disorder. I was addicted to tranquilers from the age of 13 to the age of 17, given to me by my psychiatrist (who I plan on suing) and I never really learned how to deal with life, especially when it was important, since I was in a major development stage of my life. Now, I'm stuck obsessing. Anyway, I apologize for this being so long. My question is that I'm basically wondering if I'm possibly bipolar. Throughout the day, I have numerous mood swings, mostlly when something is seriously going wrong in my life, as it is now since I'm 19 and have no car, no job, and no life. I'll go from being anxious to normal to happy, and I don't know if this is normal or stress related, or bipolar disorder. I've read up a lot on bipolar disorder, and I don't exactly meet the criteria, but what I'm worried about is the happy part of my mood swings. Sometimes, I get extremely talkative, where I can't stop talking, and shaky. Immediately this dread comes over me, which is the OCD, saying that I must be "manic." It DOES sound like hypomania, but I'm not sure if I'm just in a good mood and the obsessive anxiety causes me to shake and therefore I THINK I'm just manic or hypomanic when I'm really not. I hope you understood that, since that was a bit complicated. This totally kills my happiness because every single time I'm in a euphoric mood, I immediately think hypomania and bipolar disorder, and I get anxiety, and the anxiety turns the good mood into agitation and stress. I really do apologize for the long post, but if anyone possibly understood what I was writing and has any input, that would be wonderful. Thanks so much.

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