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Thanks again everybody...yes it is yet another day. And thank God we are yet through another crisis.

Tsohl to answer your questions....I am about a 4 hour driving distance from my brother's sometimes more depending on traffic. That is what I find to be most frustrating. I had my bags packed to be ready in an instant but find it most frustrating being so far away since I would like to be more readily available to him and his family to help out. My brother is only 43 years old, my other brother thank God recently moved and is only an hour parents are more like 2 1/2 hours. So my other brother and his wife joined my SIL at the hospital yesterday and my parents are now visiting him. Even though he is out of this crisis it seems that everytime he is hospitalized his condition further deteriorates which is the sad thing. I am hoping that with the consultation we have set up between his doctor and a specialist that I had found that we can figure out a way to at least keep this from progressing OR perhaps reverse some of what has occurred.

Anyway...I know that I cannot leave home when there is so much to deal with on my homefront...since my brother is now stabilized I will stay put. When things calm down I would like to perhaps fly down once in a while to help my brother and his family out but for now I feel I cannot do that.

I have more concerns regarding both of my daughters....seems that they are both drowning and I don't know who to save first. I am QUITE concerned about Erin's recent behaviors....of the drinking she did on Christmas Eve that left her it as she says only a little bit or more?? And Kait claims that she helped her through that night...Kait won't step one foot near anybody vomitting and when Erin had fallen asleep forgetting to take her meds I asked Kait to give them and knowing that she had done so knowing that Erin had been drinking really bothers me. and Erin knowing that she shouldn't drink while taking the meds and taking them bothers me too. And Erin playing this passing out game and claiming that she doesn't like drinking and then packing up rum and bringing it to her friend's house on New Year's all bothers me. Erin crying how concerned she is about Kait's drinking and using weed and then going on to drink herself bothers me too.

We see the pdoc tomorrow....the one who started Erin on AD's and despite my concerns continued them. I am not happy about going to him but it is the only appointment I could get while we are on the waiting list for the pdoc I want to follow her. So how much do I tell this pdoc?? If I tell him about Erin's drinking and passing out game he may not perscribe the meds. I would be extremely upset if we were taken off of them because we have come so far with her treatment of Bipolar. Erin seems to still be quite impulsive...her self injury and suicidal thoughts have lessened as well as her depression and mania so we are in a good place with all of that and I certainly do not wish to mess that up. Do I tell this pdoc who doesn't really hold my confidence?? In fact my intentions are to tell him how I need for him to redeem himself because of how he didn't take my concerns seriously enough in the first place without putting him on the defense.

As far as Kait....she had very similar rules and guidelines as her friends did while in Junior High and High School. We basically didn't want her spending time at anyone's house where a parent wasn't home, her curfew on weekends was 10-11pm and later if circumstances were necessary, her Senior year of High School it was 12-12:30am. We had chores at home to be done...very basic like doing laundry and keeping up with her room and bathroom. She was able to work a job at 14 so long as she could handle it with her grades....we were extremely reasonable parents who strived to guide her towards independence and allowing her to see that she needed some ownership towards certain priveleges. While her friends were handed brand new cars we encouraged her to save for one and told her that she would have to also be able to afford the gas and insurance with some assistance from us but the way we saw it, having a car was a responsibility and would be taken on when she needed it or earned it. She seemed to resent the fact that others were given brand new SUV's by their parents or sports cars with the insurance all paid etc. We told her that we were not the type to keep up with the Jone's and that our intentions were to teach her as her parents that things in life are earned and worked for and not just handed over. Kait often feel she is owed everything in life....she has been a great worker but claims that she has had to work for so that she can have the things that she has wanted but we wouldn't give her. She is angry and unhappy....this Christmas, for example, she had about 6 or 7 gifts....they added up to alot and before she even opened them up she was upset. I told her that we had spent equally on her and Erin and what she had before her cost alot of money. By the time she opened them up I think that she came to that realization but her initial reaction really bothered me.

I think that Kait is going to have to be out on her own before she will realize her problems and how distorted her thinking is. IN her eyes her parents haven't done enough for her and the only way that she will ever know is when we no longer do anything for her. It is sad....but Kait is in a constant mission mode of having to get what she needs and wants at any given moment and doing whatever she must to get it that way even to the extent of breaking the law. When I told her how upsetting it is that she breaks into our house without our permission putting us at risk to being sued....she claims that the house is HERS and she should be able to do as she pleases with it. We told her that it is not HERS unless she pays for it and the insurance, mortgage, taxes, fuel, and electric. I am worried, very worried about Kait. Even with all that we have laid out before her as our expectations to fund her she sees college as a ticket to party. When I told her that I intended to speak to her Residential Director she told me to go right ahead because he works for the club that she gets into free and supplies her and her friends free drinks. I find that hard to believe but I intend to tell him that Kait has informed us of this and that we are almost certain that she is lying because a Residential Director has a responsibility to keep students safe. I will not threaten him but make him aware that Kait has told me this so that he can measure how real her problems may be and if he is doing this know that his position as RD may be at risk.

The college is semiprivate and a great college. As a matter of fact when we were at dinner last night with our neighbors they told Kait that graduating from that college will guarantee her a job....he is a professor and knows many who have graduated and that it is an honor to go there. Hopefully Kait will come to that realization and change her ways but somehow I don't hold out much hope....she seems way too immature in her thinking and is only living for the moment. In fact she has asked me if she can go with a friend to Atlantic City to celebrate his 21st birthday....that his mom is a manager of Hyatt hotels and plans on getting him a room. I was impressed that she even asked but I told her that she was underage for gambling even though he would be of age and she would get in alot of trouble and shouldn't be there.....that if they were just going to celebrate at a restaurant that would be different but this sounded like trouble to me. What else can I do??? Hubby and I decided not to give her any more money....that if she needed certain things to let us know and we would mail them out to her but no more money for her to put towards partying....that we were not going to subsidize or enable her drinking/clubbing that she shouldn't do in the first place....that we sent her to college to pursue a career and a good future for herself. We encouraged her to make friends who would help her to get there....she told us she had no intention of changing her friends and we told her that if she could do what she needed to do without getting into trouble and stay in college that would be fine but that we were genuinely concerned with the amount of partying she was doing and that she should be too if she wanted to have a good future.

So that is where we are at. I know and am preparing myself for it not being over but the way I see it hubby and I are doing the best that we can....the rest really at this point is all up to Kait.

Hope everybody else is doing okay. As always....this is a great place to come knowing that you are all here even if it is just to lend an ear. But it is always more than that when you wonderful gals are ready to roll up your sleeves and tackle anything that comes our way. I consider myslef blessed.

((((HUGS))))) and thanks for all that you are to me ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
I have a little time and hope to get through this post....on top of everything else I am under the weather and I am really tired and dragging through this day. But I didn't have a choice...I had promised Kait some time and Erin had her appointment with the pdoc today. It was close to my doctor so I made an appointment for myself and I was out from 11am until 5pm and am exhausted.

Anyway....I really appreciate your input, Gav, but I am fairly certain that Kait's problems and behavior have little to do with any sexual abuse or molestation she may have experienced. You will be surprised to see that Kait is failry open with me as is Erin.

When she was around 14 and all of her friends were interested in boys a good friend of hers met a boy from another school who had 3 other friends and they started to hang out with them quite frequently. Kait asked to go hang out after school at this one girls house with these boys and I wasn't comfortable because I knew that the girl's mother worked and there would be no parental supervision. I encouraged Kait to have them come by us but she wasn't interested....some of the other mom's had no problem with this but I didn't like the idea of them being with 4 boys without supervision. It was something Kait and I disagreed about, I allowed her to go in the evenings but not when there were no adults around. Overtime the girls dated the guys and when they broke up with them the guys would date one of the other girls. These boys came from a different school district that was known to have more trouble and was known also to be the rival school of Kait's school. Eventually Kait showed interest in one of the boys and asked to go to the movies on a group date. It was exciting to see her interested in a boy and we okayed it. She went and when she came home I asked her how it went and kiddingly asked if she had gotten her first kiss. She was quiet and shared with me that she had gotten a kiss and the guy also went to put his hand down her pants as well. I tried not to act too shocked and asked her how she felt about that and how she had responded. She went on to tell me how she had slapped his hand away and told him to stop. I told her how proud I was of her and how "ballsy" it was for him to do such a thing in a public place like that. She agreed.

Over the course of a few days when the subject came up I was able to share with Kait how she shouldn't feel ashamed about what had happened and told her that I was sorry that her first date went so badly. I then shared with her how something very similar had happened to me at her age. There was a boy who I really liked and was sort of out of my league. He was the brother in law of the lady I worked as a mother's helper for. He was known as the out of town guy who came every summer to visit. The girls in the nieghborhood looked forward to his arrival and he was HOT, as my girls would say.

Anyway....I got to see much more of him because of my job and when I was about 14 he began to flirt with me and I was on cloud nine. My brother was a wrestler and so was he and we often talked about that together. One night he challenged me to a wrestling brother had taught me alot of moves and I thought it would be a great way to show off some of them. We did a few matches and we were laughing. Then without any notice during one of the matches I found his hand down my pants with him pinning me to the ground and kissing me. It happened so fast and without barely any notice and I managed to quickly make it out from under him and went to check on the baby who was sleeping. He left (we were in an apartment in the restaurant that his brother and wife owned). Within 10 minutes he returned with another guy (who was the older brother of one of my brother's friends) who worked in the restaurant. He said hello and within seconds he had pushed me into the corner of the room forcing his hand up my shirt and was french kissing me. I was mad and knew that the out of town boy had arranged for this to happen. I pushed him away and told them to get out or I would tell my employer and his wife what had happened. They left quickly and I never told a soul about the incident. I carried around with me for many years what I know now to be guilt and shame thinking that somehow I may have prevented it all from happening.....that because I liked this guy and had flirted with him perhaps I had brought it on. As years went on I realized that it wasn't my fault at all. I finally talked about it with some friends when I was in my twenties and found out that they too had experienced similar violations.

I shared this story with both Kait and Erin telling them that it wasn't okay for a boy to do that and that the only thing I regret is not having told the out of towner boy how he had violated me and demanded an apology. For years he returned and I had to relive in my mind what he had done to me. Kait eventually thought that she could go out with this boy, the one who had his hand down her pants, telling me that he had apologized saying that the girls that he had dated liked it when he did that and I told her that it sounded like he had been around the block a few times and asked her how she felt about him. She claimed that he made a mistake and deserved a second chance. I told her that as much as I really wanted to be the out of towners girlfriend, once he had done what he had done to me I no longer found him to be appealing and lost all interest in fact I couldn't get far enough away from him!! Eventually Kait moved on and had nothing more to do with the boy....she told me months later that she had heard that he was suspended from school and kicked off the football team for sexually abusing a girl at school.

Since then Kait has had more boys as 16 she went out with a boy who was very nice and treated her like a queen. She took advantage of his niceness and accepted expensive gifts and gestures. He treated her and her friends to the carnival in town spending his entire week's pay. He adored her and treated her so well. She met him over the summer when we used our present home as just a summerhome and when she returned to our other home she realized that the long distance factor just wasn't going to work out. Knowing this, she bided her time so that she would be able to get the custom nameplate he planned on giving her for her birthday. Shortly after she stopped IMing with him, didn't accept his calls and then eventually broke up with him by IM on the computer. Hubby and I commented on her "using" this boy and how if girls did this overtime eventually all the "nice guys" would be gone, that she had to learn that guys did have feelings too and to be respectful towards them.

About a year ago Kait went to say goodbye to the boy who treated her so well who graduated early and was off to college. They had remained friends and still are to this day. After I had brought her to say goodbye to him, while we were driving home she asked me if it was possible for two people to get together after many years and have a second chance. I told her that anything was possible and how I believed that if things were meant to be then two people would find each other once again. She told me that she realized what a good guy this guy was and had apologized for hurting him and that she intended to email and IM with him while he was away at college. And she did and still does.

Kait to this day admits that guys take too much energy.....that she doesn't like having to be at their beck and call and she really gets turned off when they have to talk to her or have to spend time with her when she would rather be doing other things with her friends. Over this break she shared with me how she likes this one guy but he doesn't understand that she wants to be free to do things with her friends and not have to be with only him. The way I see it and what Kait has admitted is that she is too self centered, self absorbed and selfish to have a boyfriend. In a way I am relieved but in another way it does concern me that she is unable to get really close to anybody in particular. She seems to always have to be busy with something and if she isn't she announces that she is bored or goes to sleep. That is something that I notice in both of my girls. Does that mean anything??? that should bring us up to speed. What are your thoughts with this information??? My instincts tell me that it isn't so much anything to do with molestation but more with letting people's almost like she is afraid somebody will see and discover that she is not really happy.

We talked today and I shared with her what you wanted me to Gav, about how you could be her or anyone and others never really know that you are Bipolar or have had problems even when you were in the midst of them. I also talked alot about my concerns of her putting herself at such risk knowing that she has a genetic predisposition to addictions since we have it on both sides of our family....that the other kids at college didn't have as much to risk as she did. I think she may have heard me, I told her that I loved her and it may sound as if I was a broken record but that a lion will go to all extremes to protect it's young and that is what I felt I needed to do for her. I told her I would drop it and we enjoyed the rest of our day together.

Erin and I went to the pdoc and he increased her Lamictal to 150mgs. He congratulated Erin for all she had endured with her 10 week hospitalization over the summer and how far she had come since he last saw her. He hopes that with the increase with the Lamictal that we will see some improvement with her down moods.

That's our update.....I am going to bed early tonight....seems that I have a sinus infection and that is wiping me out.

Goodnight girls:wave:

Love ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
Hi, Gals:wave: Thanks for the positive vibes....I am still dragging, have very little energy. I find myself sleeping most of the day and up for an hour at a time and then just back in bed again. I haven't been laid up like this in years....I think that Erin realized this because she has been bringing me liquids and asking if I am feeling is nice to see her concerned about me for once and I must say that these last few weeks I have seen Erin getting more and more towards the young girl that she was before this disorder invaded our lives. When we were away with my family, many who had seen her when she was really bad commented on how good she looks. My cousin's wife who had heard about her diagnosis told my Aunt that if you hadn't told her she wouldn't think anything was wrong with Erin. So I think that we have finally turned that corner (I always get so scared saying that because everytime I have, something else happens to discredit it:rolleyes: ) but I am going to hold onto the hopes that we are doing well and c loser to stabilization.

Erin is more excited about the play and she came home all thrilled and happy telling us that she was chosen by the music director at school to compete in All State NYSMMA at the highest level.:blob_fire This is a vocal solo in which she is graded by a statae representative from the music association. It is quite an honor to be chosen and Erin was quite excited when the music director handed her the application that she needs to submit.

Jules, there IS hope and there was a time when I wondered whether Erin will ever lead a normal life and here I am telling you that things are good. Looking back I don't know how we ever survived but we did. I recall the therapist telling me to look forward...looking back will only hold us all back and have us living in fear. When I first came here I didn't even think we would ever be where we are with Erin, just as Tsohl.;) I wanted my child back and wondered, like you ,if I would ever see her again and here she was a long journey and it's not over yet but things are good, they really are.

Hope ~ I am sorry that Zac is setting his bars so low...Erin seems to be doing that as well. I think that he will become more functional as he becomes more stabilized. Looking back on things, my expectations of Erin have definitely changed.....I don't really care what she decides to do with her life so long as she is feeling good about herself and her life. I think that once I lowered the bar in my mind to focusing on her emotional and mental well being things did improve and once she did feel better she began to start getting back into the swing of life. She still doesn't think school is the most important thing in life and I have come to see that as well. My heart swelled when just the other day she said out of the blue how she thinks that her self esteem is getting better and that she was beginning to like herself again. I had waited so long to hear something like that and that was a sign that things were getting better. I know that you will be seeing the same with Zac once the right meds are in place.

Tsohl ~ I know how you fear that your son will take on too much after coming so far but I think that he should do what he thinks he can do....he can always alter his schedule and take less of a load. Sometimes the distractions can be good for our kids so long as they don't consume them. Perhaps your son knows that staying focused on something is what he needs most....look at Gav, she is doing so well and has taken on quite a load. Funny how we are able to have others here who are on this journey in different places to let us know that there is hope in all of this. When I was at the pdoc Friday I looked at all the people coming in and they for the most part appeared to be perfectly normal. Erin even commented on that on our way home and I told her with the right meds and treatment she will be leading a perfectly normal life. I asked her if she felt better compared to last year and she looked at me and said....."Mom, last year was a nightmare and I don't ever want to go back there again!!" I smiled and told her that I totally agreed!!:D

As far as my brother, he is still in the hospital and they still beleive he is in acute renal failure and are hoping to get him through that. We are still awaiting word from his main doctor regarding the consultation with Vanderbilt...whether he has spoken with them or has an appointment to remains to be seen. Hopefully we will have some more info on that soon.

Thanks for all the positive guys are the greatest.

Love ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
Morning, Ladies ~ Erin is still doing well....each day that goes by without any problems has me believing that we have finally found that light at the end of the tunnel....the one that I thought we would never see!!!:D I tell you this to give you hope that your day will come when you will be able to post this too. With all that is going on in my life I could really use this. Thing is, there is still this fear that the next shoe is going to drop or the next storm blow in but I am really enjoying this calm:angel:

Thanks also, everybody, for your prayers for my brother....yes Tsohl, we need a miracle, we really do. For now he is home where he wants to be. Our family has decided to fight for him to be home as much as possible....he just wants to be with his wife and kids....he thrives in that environment. Thing is, it looks like the only way his kidneys function is by having an IV line in. We are going to try to get the doctors to fight with the insurance company regarding this being done at home rather than him having to go every other day to the hospital to have that done spending hours in the ER. We know that if this continues he will probably eventually need dialysis but so long as we can keep his kidneys from failing we need to do it!! They say that his blood pressure can't run too low or it doesn't allow for enough pressure for the kidneys to filter the toxins out of his body. And on top of this they feel that his condition has caused nerve damage to the bladder that controls the emptying but he is doing his best to do that. I am not giving up hope....I know that nerves do regenerate and I am telling my SIL to keep exercising his muscles so that when the time comes that they can figure out a way to get his nerves working again he can walk. Thing is, even when he is lying down or he sits up his blood pressure shoots up skyhigh. This only use to happen when he stood up, now it is happening while he is just sitting down or lying down in bed which has my brother convinced that he will never be able to stand up again. When he transfers from bed to his wheelchair he goes int those violent tremors....that use to only happen whenever he stood up a few weeks ago......and a few months back he was still able to walk. Yes, we need that miracle girls!!

As far as college....we are lucky in the sense that either there are plenty of other students from our area with whom Kait can travel home with and some that actually have cars. But if worse comes to worse it is only a ferry ride and bus ride (the bus station is right next door to the ferry at the other end) and costs only about $35 each way so you can't beat that!! She is extremely independent....she even went by train to Penn Station/NYC and took a bus from there with another student. From when Kait was young, we took trips into NYC so she is familiar with Penn Station and Port Authority Bus Terminal.

Oh, Tsohl...I am sorry I got things mixed up with your son...I know that things were different with your son in the sense that you never saw the anger and frustration that happened when things got really bad. I would imagine that happened once he was starting that first job and things were triggered like they were with my girls earlier at home. With Erin it came after the losses of two family members in death, the hormonal surges and then the doctor placing her on antidepressants which triggered the hypomania/mania. With Kait I think things got bad with the use of Stackers with Ephedra and weed. Whether her behavior is Bipolar or the result of drug use will be determined. I am afraid that the drugs may have triggered Bipolar but we will know more as time goes by I guess.

I agree that not talking about the partying and keeping things focused on what Kait is doing in terms of overall academics and college life is what I need to do. I intend to focus on the positive things she is doing....thing is, in the past she didn't hesitate to mention that she was going out to this club and that club with her friends. That is why I was concerned in the past....seemed that she was going out to clubs at least 4 nights a week. I am hoping now that we are not sending her money that she isn't doing that and is finding better social things to do. But like you said.....the best gauge will be her grades. So far from what she has reported, she is doing quite well. She even told me yesterday that her first project for her major that she worked on with a friend ended up getting an "A" for them both. So hopefully things will continue to go well and Kait will focus less on the partying and more on the academics.

Well that's the update....hoping to hear some more good news from everybody else. Hope, I am glad that things with Zac have calmed down. And I will be interested to hear some of the answers to Tsohl's questions as well.

((((HUGS)))) to all ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
Hi, Everybody:wave: I am back and had no access to a computer as Tsohl so accurately guessed;) Things have worstened for my brother to the point that he cannot move without going into severe tremors for at least an hour in duration. I mostly went to spend time with him and also to relieve my sister in law a little bit spending the nights with my brother. I would alternate nights and days with her and what my brother is going through is horrific.....the amount of pain and suffering he endures through these tremors is more, IMHO, than what Jesus endured on the cross for us. Two of the nights that I stayed with him the tremors lasted for 2 1/2 hours and the thing is he is alert throughout all of them....he can nod and whisper everyonce in a while with great effort on his part to correct what the doctors or nurses think is going on. He is now starting to lose consciousness sometimes up to 15 times during these episodes and his fear as well as mine is that one time he will not come out of it. He is fighting for his life so he can be with his kids....he has 6 ranging from 2 to 14 years in age. He is in pain all the time and his body's response to intense pain is to go into these tremors. I talk him through it and as exhausting as it is I feel it all being worth it to have him with us one more day. He shared with me how he feels himself slipping into a coma and doesn't want that and so I fight it out with him as does his wife and kids. The other night I was there and his wife called in and we put her on speaker phone and each one of his kids came on talking him through, sharing happy stories and him acknowledging it with a nod of his head. We need a miracle and we need one fast....the doctors are transferring him to John Hopkins sometime this week and it is my hope that a doctor there will find someway of healing him so that he can stick around to see each of his kids grow up. He and I acknowledged together that that may not happen and I helped him by promising to be there for his kids and to help him make preparations in case he doesn't make it through this. I find myself praying that either God will give us the miracle or if he needs him more than we do that He take him to lessen his suffering. i am hoping, as our entire family is, that the Lord will see that my brother is more needed here than with HIM.

Meanwhile, I made the decision to drive down myself leaving Erin with hubby. I explained to Erin that I needed to go and help as well as spend some time with my brother. I told her that I knew that she would like to see him and if once I got there I felt that she should come that her and hubby could fly down but that it was midterm week and she needed to get through that. I called the psychologist at school to fill her in on what was happening so that she would be readily available for Erin. When I did she told me that she was aware of the situation because Erin was in her office most of the previous week and that for the most part she didn't intervene but Erin had strongly expressed her need to see her Uncle and how important it was to do so before he ever died. She then asked me if it weren't midterm week if I would bring Erin with me and I said I probably would especially just hearing what she had shared with me. She told me that she would call each of Erin's teachers to see if they would excuse her and allow Erin to make up her exams and also talk to the play director. And then collect Erin from her class and talk to her about going to see my brother with me. Well the psychologist called me back 10 minutes later telling me that Erin was not in her first period class but instead down at the nurses office with a stomach ache and when she had spoken to her Erin shared with her how upset she was about my brother and wanting to go with me but knowing that having too many visitors may make it worse for him. The psychologist told her how we had spoken and thought it was important for Erin to go even if she got to see her Uncle for a little while that it was important for her to do so. Erin was relieved and she did come with me and spent two 15 minute sessions with my brother with me in attendance. We had the entire week cleared for her and she decided that she was ready to go back and take her midterms....she had set out to do what she wanted to which was to tell her Uncle that she loved him and was praying that he would get better and how special he was to her. She shared with him how well she was doing in school and when he asked if she was going to go to a Performing Arts School she told him that she was thinking of becoming a psychologist or doctor. And when he asked her why she had changed her mind she went on to tell him that she felt that she could help kids that were depressed or Bipolar because she would understand them having been through it herself. We were all impressed with that and my brother told her how proud he was of her and how she had worked to get herself better and that he knew it wasn't easy and that he was trying his best to get better too and that she inspired him more with all the courage she had to do so.

While I was there Erin had left a message on my phone when she had heard from her sister that I had been called into my brother's room to help him while on the phone with her and she was sobbing asking me to call her that she was worried about her Uncle. By the time I got through the episode it was 2am and I called her back leaving a message that he was alright.

So I know that this is taking a toll on we got 4 calls from the nurse that she was there with a stomach ache. When she got home and I asked about it she said it was probably from stress and worrying about some things. She was having a problem with a friend at school and worried about her Uncle. She told me she went to her guidance counselor and was somewhat relieved that I called her therapist and got an appointment for Monday. She will call me if she has a cancellation to get her in sooner.

So that's the update. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers....I need to catch up here and will post more later.

Welcome Denise....I have been where you are with Erin being hospitalized and the effects of loss and worry on our kids. So if you need any support just give a holler and I will walk you through it.

(((HUGS))) to all of you and the wonderful strength you provide me ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
Hi, Tsohl:wave: You are so funny....picking up the slack, there are so many here who are gifted with knowledge and wonderful support you only did what you are good at and that is comforting those who come here like me looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. Funny when I went to the local NAMI site there was going to be a guest speaker in our area who was a parent and one of the psychiatrists asked if she would share her topic called "The Light At the End of the Tunnel" with the group at the next meeting!! I guess us parents all seem to see this in the same way, often we speak of the same feelings like that rollercoaster ride and feeling as if we are punching bags and as if we will never see the kids we once had since the bipolar has taken over. The commonality is phenomenonly strong and nobody truly understands other than another parent who has a child who is bipolar.

Yes, like you I was quite worried about those text messages. The last one I came across was to the same boy stating that she had just smoked the fattest blunt and was feeling horny. When we confronted her about our suspicions based upon her behavior (the irritability and her going outside her window at night looking for something she dropped out of the window) she told me that the text message was sent to the boy just so he would text her back. I let that info slide and acted surprised and confused as to what she was saying so as not to disclose that I had seen the text message. She tested negative so she was obviously lying to this guy and trying to get his attention. So these others may be much of the same....I just worry about how she is going about getting attention and one of these times she will be taken advantage of. Things are quite emotional around here. Erin's best gifl friend is going out with a guy who she feels is controlling and emotionally abusive. The boyfriend doesn't like Erin either and has now told her girlfriend that she is not allowed to talk to or hang out with Erin. This saga really upsets Erin and there is nothing I can say that will make it better. She is fixated on it and seems to be coming home telling me that all the other friends feel the same way. I don't know if this is normal teenage stuff or a problem resulting from Erin's bipolar. I seem to think it is a combo of the two but would be interested in how you mom's think the bipolar affects your child's social life. It seems that Erin always has trouble maintaining friendships....she almost seems to sabotage them by her possessiveness and behavior. I am really quite concerned how she will succeed in any relationship she may have in the future. From what I read on this board of young people wih BP they too seem to struggle in their relationships whether it be with family, friends, spouses, co-workers and the like. I am wondering how I can help Erin through this. Each time I point out how her behavior seems to be smothering or needy which turns most people off she denies it and blames the other person involved saying that everybody else thinks the same as her. I know that this is her manipulation of the situation in which she is denying that her behavior or interpretation of other's words or actions may be off due to her disorder. I sure hope that the therapist helps Erin through all of this. We have our first appointment on Monday unless there is a cancellation before.

I think you are right, Tsohl, about your son. He has enough on his plate right now with the GRE and finding the right program. And yes, like you said, there will be atine when he will have to pull his own weight and I am sure that you will know when that time is.

Spoke with my brother....the doctors there want to take him off his B/P meds and his pain meds and he is not willing to do that because whenever they have lowered the medications his tremors seem to worsten and he is afraid that he will not come out of it. I can't imagine him being without the pain meds and totally understand his fears. I guess what they are looking to do is a med wash and with him it really is much scarier than it would be for our BPers to do the same. His will affect him in a physical sense that may have his tremors bringin him closer to unconsciousness. He has shared with me that he has to fight with all of his might to come out of them and that he feels as if he is slipping into a coma and one time will not be able to come out of it. And I do believe him because he seems to be right whenever he tells us something is going to happen. I told him that I understood but the way I saw it, the meds weren't doing very much for him anyway since the tremors are getting worse while on the meds. Still it is his body and I cannot force him to do something that he feels may make matters worse....he told me today that he wants to be with his kids as long as he can even if he goes home and has to lie down....that the other alternative he feels is too risky. And so what do we do?? He said that he and my SIL are going to talk about it but that he feels that there is way too much to risk if the doctors were to take away his meds.

My SIL lives about 3 hours from the hospital. Her mom is watching the baby and his ex wife is watching the 11 year old son. His other daughter lives in NY not far from me and will be flying in to see him each weekend staying with my SIL's brother's family who is only 20 minutes from John Hopkins. My SIL is sleeping at the hospital with my brother.....the EMT's told the nurses there that in their opinion my SIL knows more about my brother's condition and how to get him through the tremors than any nurse or physician does which is so true. So they have made a special exception to allow my SIL to stay overnight with my brother. I think that my brother is less anxious because I truly think that he feels that one of these times he will not come out of the tremors and will slip into a coma and die. And from what I have seen and know he is probably right....unless they find something else that may help him.

I is sad and I cannot believe that my poor baby brother is going through all of this. Everytime the phone rings I fear what I may be hearing on the other end.

Keep the prayers going. I do believe in miracles and am hoping to have one for my brother. Thanks for all the wonderful support. As always, coming here fills me with such peace and ives me strength to journey on.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:
[QUOTE=hopealways1104;2815493]Hi All,

......... This weekend with Zac at Cambridge was such a joy - he was so much his old self, happy, invested, ALIVE! And when he didn't do as well as he hoped to, I prepared myself for the worst. Would he crash? Would he get depressed? angry? belligerent? Never before would I hve given it a second thought and now I was worried that this would be a trigger for him and set him back...........

.......He still has a terrible time managing his time and I am worried about how he will do once he has to handle multiple subjects per night, but we are taking one day at a time. He is not as focused on going to a private school next year as he was, although I still think that might be a better solution for him so we are still investigating. The challenge there is that we are already late for applications, but he has been so unstable up to now that I couldn't focus on what would be the best choice.................

........EYES- thanks so much again. Please keep posting on this thread when you


Hope..........And I truly Hope..for you and Zac....AND Tsohl & Jules..too :

You know..I just think some times, that I am here on the wrong track with you and Tsohl & Jules.

By that I mean..I am not thinking like a "mother" of a BP child. (Maybe as a father).
Due respect for you be sure..
However,I seem to keep posting a wrong message.

My message is about my son's success with BP.

Oh,I think I get it..It's very important to discuss day to day events about
your sons and how they are dealing with BPD. AND that is very important.

And I will enchourge you all to continue to do so.

But I might add... that,as I said about worrying.....we somewhere have to
to "give and let give" to our sons to take the Responsibility.

I know it's hard for mothers.....and fathers toooooo.

to really let go.

So...enough of my message..."trying to let go of our son's BPD".

Maybe, it is just a Dream (and a Hope) that they can.....and will succeed.

But I for one... ( my wife & I) want to say ....can we Trust that our sons can succeed without the consent Worry on our part :eek:

Maybe..just maybe that would relieve a little stress in our lives.;)

I'm sorry if I'm to blunt with my thoughts....but...what else can I say ?

Carry On...


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