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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Bipolar Disorder Board Index

Hi guys...I just got back from the bar and wanted to check this board.

hope ~ I stopped taking the seroquel because I felt it was bringing me down and making me sleep too much. I missed feeling so good. I don't know how to deal with stress and I guess I never will. I think I will make an appt with the pdoc sooner...although I just saw her last thurs. and I feel stupid for not being honest.

Paige ~ I do jog but have never tried yoga. I go to the gym about 4-5 times a week and workout. I do have more energy because of this. But it doesn't matter because I drink so much I'm fat anyway. Ya know? I just feel like giving up! This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my crazy life? It's never going to change!!!

Tshol ~ I do see what you are saying. I do have a pattern. I feel like I'm not the same person ever!!! I feel like such a psycho.

I want to sleep regularly but I can't. I am not tired and when I try my mind races and I can't do it! I maybe have slept 2-3 hours a day for the last week or two! But after that I wake up and cannot go back to sleep my mind wont shut up and I lay there forever waiting for it to be time to get up and go to work or do whatever. God I am so restless at work I hate it! I feel like I'm going to crawl out of my skin I can't stand it!

At least if I drink alcohol I can actually fall asleep. W/o it I don't know if I could fall asleep at all! I know that the alcohol is messing with me and stability and meds etc. But I only feel truly good when I am drunk. Part of me feels like I wont be here long anyway, so I may as well be drunk and numb. It's better than feeling sooo crazy from the bp, right? I wish I could cut my brain out!!!

Is it too soon to see my pdoc again or make an appt if I just saw her last thurs? I feel so crazy... I want to be honest about the drinking and the other problems. Part of what threw me off was that she had some kind of student in with her last time and it just distracted me and I don't know I'm stupid I guess!

I don't know how much more of "this" I can take. I really don't. What do I do? I'm going to lose it soon!!!!!!!!! I'm living alone in a pigsty with no groceries and wearing dirty clothes. I am so angry that I can't be a normal person with a neat apartment and take care of myself normally. Also, I am sososososososoososososososo upset about this guy that I saw at the bar (read the post to goody below...) And I'm sick! I'm about to lose my voice.

Goody ~ You and tshol are very wise to say it like it is and not beat around any bushes! I really do think you are right about why I wanted to stop the seroquel. I convinced myself it was making me too tired, but it was really bringing me down and I don't know how I feel about erasing a part of my personality? It's weird.

I was thinking about something that happened tonight and I think this is what you have been talking about with Erin and boys. I do the same types of things. I saw this guy at the bar tonight that I had slept with and I absolutely am in love with him. I am not sure whether or not he even likes me. He was friendly with me, but that was about it. I am crushed! Every guy I like does not really like me so I end up sleeping with 30 something year olds! I have no self esteem so that is prob. why I do such things. I am too clingy I feel too and I think you said something about Erin behaving like that with her friends or boys too. I am sorry I have no solutions only to say I can relate with how Erin feels. I am so crushed about all of this!!!

I am about ready to give up! I don't know what will happen first. I will snap or I will die of exhaustion physically! I'm sure all this psycho crap has to be affecting my body and not just my mind. Ya know? I am so angry at myself right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

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