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Hi distroyed,

Sorry to interrupt this original thread, but after reading your post I wanted you to know something - I recently read an article written by a psychologist who said that people who cheat on their spouses are dealing with issues within themself (anger, depression, boredom, etc...), it has NOTHING to do with the other person or how wonderful they are or what they were 'lacking'. I thought this may be helpful for you after reading the things that you go over in your mind about why she did it, for whatever reason your wife was unfaithful, it was within her and because of her own issues.

~pamelareichert, I wish you the best with reconciling with your husband. Everyone's situation is different - I am married to a bipolar hubbie but there has been no infidelity. I'm not sure I could forgive that and I know my husband wouldn't, but there are successful couples who work thru it and past it. I would think that if you are working hard on your marriage, committed to being well, and maybe if you two could attend couples therapy as Tsohl suggested, there may be a chance...

Take care,
[QUOTE=distroyed;3046729]the way you describe you states of mind is verry common on here. Infact there was a thread started a while back about how do you seperat the real person from the BP. I have been trying to do that with my wife now for a couple of years. One question to ask youself is How happy were you b4 all this happened? that is what I am trying to figure out was I happy in my marriage?
My dr. told me that my wife doesnt hate me, BP hates me

was he always impatient with the kids or is it just since the problems began?

even though you did what you did you still deserve to be happy in life. Despite what my wife did to me I still believe she should be happy and needs to be for the kids. she has come clean told me everything (i think) wants me back and now it is up to me to fight my own demons on this. I'm sure like you she is punishing herself everyday so for me to torture her just makes things worse.

this sounds crazy but I'll bet he is stuck in the middle of wanting to leave you and not wanting to leave you. It's mess up but I always am weighing her good qualities aganist what she did. What she did went against everything she believed in and she hurt the entire family. what she did used to disgust her. when she herd about other people doing it. she constantly says she never thought she was capable of this and up until 2 years ago neither did I
If he's like me he is in the same struggle of not knowing what to do, but deeply afraid to let go[/QUOTE]

IMHO, I think the love is there. I hate to sound simplictic, but I've been in a relationship for 8 years with woman that has been untreated BP1 for twenty years, a mental health system "consumer" (terminology used by a major TV network I heard yesterday)

The Dr. was correct in saying, "My dr. told me that my wife doesnt hate me, BP hates me". Just the words I want to hear; if the doc says anything outside of the realm of what you know as true, leave and find another. Do research if you need to continue a relationship. I have; and I can say that my broken heart is healing. Listen to the folks on this board they will tell what they feel. The BP'ers feel the same way, the symptoms are all there and most importantly the unipolar supporters feel the same way as well, this, I think is important. Your going to get variations of opinion, you have to, because we as humans, only understnd a small portion of the human mind nd whether a person is BP or not they all have their own personalities "in a stable state'. Thank God, that my loved one, nd the mother of my five year old son, has a very meek, quite, demeanor when stable. The hell is still there, but the flames are not quite as hot as they could be.
I'm a humble country guy and somewhat nieve on some things but when someone is on a merry-go-round for eight years (actually, we must subtract some time for when she took her multi-month flights of fancy) the scenery starts to get boring and you have to face reality eventually. I love "her" not the BP. There are three people involved in a unipolar-bipolar relationship; throw kids in the mix you better have God in the mix as well or that "rock and the hard place will start closing in on you. God's going to direct me toward a mood stabilizing drug so I can deal with this. Someone "in-the-know" suggested Paxil might be the right choice for me; a unipolar guy, in depression due to outside influences, his words.
Can't love 'em, can't commit 'em! (my little attempt at morbid humor)
To all of the supporters of this disease and disorder, and the ,fine, highly intelligent, creative, sweet, creative, loving, sufferers, I say keep telling the world how you feel, how your loved one's feel Saw great short documentary on how law enforcement is doing good things to save the lives of the mentally ill. To the supporters....... encourage. Learn how to say NO, and mean it, with compassion.
I love you all.

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