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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

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Still wondering
Jun 16, 2007
So I am goign through one of these phases again. Energy phases. Wondering once again if maybe I am indeed bipolar or cyclothymic. At times I am sure because it explains so much, and how else to explain those highs and lows. At other times I am almost sure it's just all in my head, because if you look for a symptom, you will find it, right...?

Anyway... what I have been feeling the last few days (or did it actually start like a week ago? I don't remember)... it's exactly that thing again, that I think MIGHT be what is called hypomania. But I am not sure. So I am asking - can any of you relate, who have experienced it?

Earlier today I wrote down the symptoms in my journal, so I will refer to that and write them down here.

- Feeling hyper (a lot of the time)
- occasionally talking fast, but ONLY when I get into something. Not just like that. When I get excited about something. My dad told me yesterday I was talking like a waterfall. But after he said that I could sort of get myself together. And it's not like I talk all the time.
- feeling really good
- staying up later than usual, and yes especially over the last two or three days I have really felt like I needed less sleep. E.g. two nights ago I woke up several times and read for long stretches of the time (that's not that unusual for me though), and still the next day I was full of energy. Last night AND the night before I was still at the computer and realized it was past 11, at which time I am usually in bed with a book or the TV on. And I wasn't feeling much like going to sleep at all. I did though, anyway, because I am afraid of insomnia. I know how to make myself sleepy: Eating something, and reading. eating usually makes me tired. that's one reason why I like to eat only very little throughout the day.
- I have a new research thing I want to work on
- (I am a street musician) I get really HIGH while singing, able to sing out my songs aloud and really... ah, getting that stage feeling.
- today I was reading in the book I got for my "project" but my thoughts kept wandering off and I had to re-read paragraphs.
- feeling energuized, like wanting to bounce when I walk
- being able to do more without getting tired
- the need to analyze myself, to communicate my feelings...

OK, you get the point. It could be just an energy high. But usually these highs (maybe I have had them once or twice a year? Or maybe more? But then for years at a time, nothing.) are followed by a crash. (Oh I hope NOT this time!!)

Oh yeah, and I am for Prozac for OCD,a nd I just re-increased my dosage, maybe that's why I have the hyperness?

OK but then, the point where I start second-guessing myself: Why does the thought that this MAY in fact be hypomania make me feel even "higher"? Like that's what I want it to be.
Becuase it would explain a lot?
Or because it would make me feel special, to be able t feel these things?

But then, how do i know if it's not all in my head? And why does it come in phases like that?

Any insight appreciated. Very much.

(humbly, now)

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