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Bipolar Disorder Message Board

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How to reason...
Sep 29, 2007

I married the girl of my dreams about a year ago. Beautiful, funny, smart. However there's a good chance she's bipolar. I can't say for sure since I'm not a doctor, but all the symptons are there. She even has family members who are bipolar. She has the extreme anger and depression. She's tried killing herself. And to top it all off she blames me for all her unhappiness and problems. Saying she'd be better off away from me. 12 times now she's left me. This final time she left me and stayed with some new friends. Not good friends though. Usually she'd be in a bad mood for maybe a week and then we'd talk and things woudl be good again. But these new freinds of her refuse to believe anything is wrong with her and instead keep telling her nothign is wrong with her and that everything is my fault. They keep feeding her feelings making things worse and worse. I love her with all my heart, but I feel as though there's nothing I can do anymore. That it's out of my hands. She has convinced these friends and everyone I work with that I'm some sort of monster. Even lied and told them I beat her. So now I have to deal with angry faces when I go in to work and chatter behind my back. It all is driving me batty because there wasn't anything horrible I did. All I've done since is try and reason with her. Talk to her about getting some help and let her know that I'm there for her. All I ever get back are replys insulting me and my family stating I'm her problem and she's better now that she's not with me. It's only been a few days though. I've tried to talk with her family about it and get them to talk to her, but that's done no good. They won't listen. Despite saying before they've seen her act the same way when she lived there they won't do anthing about it. Nobody is willing to talk to her about somethign being wrong. She's pretty much convinced everyone over the year i'm some sort of monster. I'm not perfect. I'm Sensory Defensive. But I'm definately no monster. I've kinda ranted on for a bit here and sorry about that. From what I read a lot of people are in the same boat as me. What I want to know though is if there's a way I can convince her to get help. Convince her something is wrong. I've tried many things, but nothing as worked. She is so convinced that I'm the cause of all her pain that she won't listen to me. Is there anything at all I can do to help her? I hate to see her like this. I just want so much to be able to take care of her and help her. Thanks.
Hi...unfortunately there is no convincing your wife that something is wrong until she gets past the mania....after the mania there will be some depression that follows. The time that you can get her the help that she needs will be when she becomes a threat to herself or others. You can call the authorities and have her admitted for an evaluation and that most likely will be the fastest way of getting her the help that she needs.

Another thing you can do which may be difficult is the next time she returns to you that you tell her that she cannot come back until she gets the help that she needs...that you love her but that you are done with her refusing help and the effects that her doing so is having on your marriage. That the only way that you see your marriage going on is by her making a pdoc appointment and allowing you to share in getting her better. Otherwise with her undiagnosed and unmedicated your life will continue on this course and have very little success ata getting any better.

Can you do this??? Deep down inside she probably knows that something is wrong and is asking for help. My daughter did similar things of telling us that her unhappiness was all our fault, that she wanted to live elsewhere and did everything she could do to make it that way. She ran away several times, found herself a new group of friends who were trouble, told her school and friends that she was abused which initiated a CPS investigation and progressed to her being arrested for shoplifting followed by a suicide attempt. Luckily she got properly diagnosed and when on the right meds was FINALLY able to be reasoned with!!! It was then that she was able to learn how to accept her diagnosis and realize how important it was to take her meds to maintain her stability.

Is your wife on an antidepressant??? The reason I ask is because if she is truly Bipolar an antidepressant will trigger mania (which could be what your wife is exhibiting) and without a mood stabilizer in place this will only worsten.

I hope that you are strong enough to follow through with what needs to be done. The best way for your wife to get the help that she needs is to come to the realization that she needs it. If she sees a husband who isn't going to stand for her not getting the help that she needs that may be just the thing that will finally lead her to getting it.

Hang in there and stay strong. Remember to take care of yourself. Oh and BTW.....the things that your wife is saying to other people are things she actually believes are true....that is why she can be so convincing. It of course is a delusion which is all part of the manic side of bipolarity.

((((HUGS)))) to help you stay strong ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

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