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Cancer: Breast Message Board

Cancer: Breast Board Index

Gosh, where do I start. I have a panic disorder - health anxiety. Some people go to the dr all the time getting test after test or don't go at all. Im somewhere in between. Rationally I know Im ok and I know nothing is wrong but there is a part of my brain that is just not getting it. So bearing this in mind... I just recently found out my Mum has breast cancer - both breasts. one of the lumps is the size of a tennis ball. I beleive my mum has health anxiety and she is the kind that just doesn't go at all. Its been 2 weeks since I have found out and its still the early days where all the tests are being done, MRI, bone scan and cat scans or whatever they do. These past 2 weeks have been a living hell for me. The way I cope with things I cannot control is to internalize meaning whenever I am stressed or get bad news etc If I have a symptom a sensation or something that does not comply with MY health rules I am sent into a panic attack. These attacks can last days. Today my brain is in the right frame of mind where I can actually come on here and write without being set off. I am 41 (the baby of the family), I live over 3000klms from my family so am not there to be with mum or to hold her hand etc but my dad and my siblings are. So MY problem began some months back where I noticed the sides of my breasts were exceptionally painful to touch at one point I couldn't even sleep on my sides because the sharp burning tearing ripping pain I was getting. Terrified to let my husband touch me because everytime he did I would end up a crying mess on the floor (such a sad case). So that pain subsided and all was ok, still a little tender to touch but nothing like it was - well amazingly after I found out about my Mumma I got the symptoms back. I can't feel any lumps (any lumps that you can really feel much on a 2 second panic scan) the only way I can describe this pain is as I mentioned above a burning, tearing terrifying (for me) pain but because I am super sensitive to EVERYTHING to anyone else its prolly just an ache. The pain goes into my under arms, its in both breasts around about the same area on both sides kinda under the armpits area. I booked a mammogram and an ultrasound before I got this pain but now I have it, I am absolutely terrified out of my mind, just knock me out and do the test without me being conscious kinda terrified. Should I go see my dr today and ask for something so I will be calm through the test. Any suggestions are gratefully received.

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