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Death & Dying Message Board

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Re: I feel jilted.
Mar 1, 2005
I am reading this book (it was a movie also I think) called "What Dreams May Come".
It's about a man who died and by the use of a Medium "wrote" a letter to his brother about his experience of death. And when he was describing the "your life flash before your eyes" part he described that it didn't "flash" it took it's time, each moment in his life slowly "playing" itself out before the dead brother, and it was describe so that each moment was shown with extreme clarity. In the book he said he saw each of his choices, mistakes, lies, fears, etc with extreme clarity of how he could have worked it out better, or maybe that what he felt or the way he lived his life could have had different choices, he even saw his accomplishments. My point in all this, is, that after he was gone, he was presented with "all that he knew" but didn't act on or understand while living his life and it was amazingly simple. What he saw in death, he could easily have done during his life to achieve the outcome that would have made his life richer in places where it may not have been so good. Not richer like monetarily, but richer in spirit. What I'm trying to say to you, is you have the chance NOW to live your life with clarity if you would only allow yourself to "see" what is right infront of you. You are in control of how you manage your life choices. I know that you feel "out of control", but I believe with a little hard work and deep soul searching you can fix that. First of all, you are a mother, so you already have intense internal spirit. Take that and use it. Use it for yourself, use if for your son and your life, so that you can enjoy and appreciate this wonderful gift that has been given you and all that you and your son will learn from each other. He is here to teach you, just as much as you are here to teach him. Your teachings are of the infantile nature and of nurture, his teachings go deeper for you. He is here to teach you unconditional love, overwhelming sense of protection, he is here to teach you that now is the time to live and learn while doing so. So, please take this time to do it with clarity, don't wait to find out all of this from the lesson and knowledge of the afterlife. That is not where you are to be. Your time is here. The man in the book realized only after his death what he could have done, you can do that NOW. It's there for us, we just have to allow it to show us. It's the spirit of love and light.

As I said before, to me, you still sound PPD, and I still believe IMO that you need "outside" help. Someone who is not close to you, and someone, unlike us on the board who are not trained in this delicate area. I've said it before, I don't think you need to be on this death and dying board. It's too intense for you, to be surrounded by posts of people who have recently or not so recently lost loved ones. I don't believe it's good for your mental health. I believe there is a Post Partum Depression board here, and maybe you should post there, if you already haven't and share your feelings with those you feel the same. You need to be around others who are struggling with the begining of a new life, not sharing your story with folks who have just experienced the end of life. I don't mean any disrespect for anyone on this board. I've posted here myself about family who have passed, but your son is very alive and so are you, and it is not healthy for you to go through each day thinking that you are not going to be here to raise him. We all are going to die, we don't know when, that is why we have to take advantage of every moment we have.

I would like to offer one more thing. If all this is bothering you so much, maybe if you made arrangements of who will care for your son incase you are not around, like a sister or close family member, you would feel better. Maybe it would be a sort of relief for you. My husband and I did that when my son was young. We talked with faimly memebers, and kind of made "unofficial agreements" as to who would care for our son if we were both gone. You are married right? So, you know your husband would be there for your little boy, but if it were to make you feel better, talk to a close family memeber about who would raise your boy if something happened to you. Just to ease your mind.

But please, keep talking to your therapist, this will take time. I think another poster told you that, it doesn't go away anytime soon, some times it takes awhile. But for your baby's sake, work on this. As well as for your sake. You want to give him all of "his mummy" don't you? You can do it.

Please check out the other board of PPD if they have one here, I think I checked once and they do. You don't need to be surrounding yourself with feelings of death, especially new raw ones where people on this board are grieving. You need to be addressing how to "celebrate" your new life.

Okay? I wish you all the best. And for those of you who have lost loved ones, my sympathy is with you in spirit. I lost nearly all of my family members since 1980. Most recently I had my uncle at the age of 49 pass in 2002, my mom in late 2003 at the age of 65, and my aunt develop lymphoma while my mom was dying from cancer. My aunt is a survivor at the age of 56. Two years cancer free now. And so far, the only family member to have survived cancer.

So. Let's grieve where need be, and sculpture, let's live where need be.

Here's wishing you a good spirit.

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