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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board

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I have been struggling with anorexia and over exercise for about 6 years now, at times its been worse than others. I started loosing more and more weight recently. I had a few drinks one night and got VERY SICK (in the past I used to be a heavy drinker and puked twice in my life from it and recovered from the hangover within a day). This time my symptoms got worse throughout the day following. I could not stop throwing up even 24 hours after. I had to go to an emergency walk in clinic for an IV because I was so dehydrated. I'm scared to tell a doctor about my ed and can't afford going to a recovery clinic or a treatment program. I did tell the doctor I hadn't been eating enough but, it was a very busy emergency clinic and they were focused on treating the immediate issue (severe dehydration)

How badly I was affected (I was very very sick for a week after a few drinks) in addition to other health problems (fatigue, dizziness, headaches, even chest pain, I've fainted in the morning, more frequent minor infections) and I missed my period this month has scared me enough to make changes. The week after I didn't run at all (and I usually do religiously generally 6-7.5 miles) and I forced myself to eat more up to a healthy amount for my age & size. In addition to even to eat some big meals out and to not count calories or care. I had incredible bloating and nausea and it began to subside. I was also having a bit of labored breathing which went away as well. By the end of the week I was feeling good and had a lot more energy.

Moving forward from there, I want to eat more and get healthier but, I'm still going to watch what I eat and exercise. I've had to work to get myself okay with the idea of gaining 5 lbs (maybe more but, I'm working on it). I'm trying to take small steps in the right direction. I'm in my mid 20s about 5'3 and around 105-108 lbs. I started trying to eat around 1700 calories a day and running 3-4 miles (4-5 days a week) with light strength exercises and yoga a few times a week. I'm at a net of around 1300-1400 most days. I started feeling really really hungry this week while following this "plan" and had to go eat more to get through the work day. I also start to get a sore throat when I'm restricting which came back.

I've been using calculators for how to maintain/lose/gain weight and also reading articles on recovery plans, and its a bit confusing. I'm eating about what is recommended for maintaining my weight and I do take calories burnt exercising into account but, am concerned as my symptoms I get when restricting started to come back. Does anyone have any recommendations from their recovery experience?

Again, unfortunately I cannot afford seeing a doctor frequently or a treatment program. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

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