Re: Bulimia: Supporting Wife

Derrick, you sound like a wonderful husband. I’m certain your wife appreciates your love and support even if she seems distant at times. Please keep doing what you’re doing and things will make more sense to both of you in time.

As a bulimic and a smoker, I strongly suspect your wife is using cigarettes to help her cope with food and with the stress that comes along with ED. I also suspect as you do that she has become addicted to nicotine, so I’m glad to hear you will be accepting of this new part of your wife’s life.

I think the two of you need to get the cigarettes out in the open like the ED is. Nothing is ever resolved with secrets, shame or guilt.

You didn’t mention the physical aspect of your relationship with her, nor would I have expected to you. But I will assume since you love her, the two of you feel an attraction for each other. It’s so important that the attraction continues once she becomes open about her smoking. She’s almost certain to believe it will turn you off and that could lead to some devastating self-esteem issues. I suspect she’s also kept the addiction a secret from her friends and family and it will be up to you to boost her confidence and morale. People can be so petty and insulting about smoking. Protect her from these people as best you can.

If you’re searching for a way to bring it up without upsetting her, you’ll need to be sure you do it in away that makes her believe you truly accept it as you say you do. Does your house have ashtrays? If not, buy some and place them in the rooms she normally frequents, including and especially in the bedroom.

Good luck Derrick, I hope you’ll keep us posted.

Hugs,
Margie