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Eating Disorder Recovery Message Board


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Hi hon, I guess I am an older person that has experienced this. Reading your post I could have sworn that I wrote it myself. Me and your stories are sooo much alike, I dropped my jaw at just reading it, it is so weird. I started b/p at the age of 16 also, and I was an over eater when I was 13 to!!! I felt the same exact feelings about my heart as you do and I used to find things to eat, after eating a normal meal, just to throw up. I will be 26 yrs old this Friday, and finally after doing this b/p on and off for the last few yrs, I have actually stopped all together. You can beat it, but I will tell you that it will take a hell of a lot of courage. This problem is hard to kick just like any other addiction, its like a crack head kicking the habit of needing the drug. The food calls you just like the drugs call them and your body craves for it just like the drugs do to them. Then when you promise yourself you would eat small for that day and not do it, you wound up eating the little bit, filling a little full, and finding more to eat just to give you the stuffed feeling so you can throw-up all over again, and while you are bending over the stool you say to yourself that you promise this is the last time just so you can feel half way decent about what you are doing, only to feel like crap later because you gave in again. Honey I know all too well about this problem. I don't think I will ever be "normal" when it comes to eating because you will always have in the back of your mind that you are afraid to become fat or anything. But I will tell you this, I absolutly had to stop because my chest had starting hurting everytime I b/p. I do feel sooo much better now that I do not do it anymore, I try to eat the right foods and get used to the fact that it is "normal" to feel full to the stomach and I do not have to let the food out so I won't get fat. I am alot happier now and probably would be dead by now if I hadn't stopped it. I will tell you this, the ONLY way to fight it, is to let your mind and body get used to food actually staying in it without you feeling guilty. Eat the right kinds of food, they are very very good and can be very filling to you, as long as you know that you are eating right and exercising regularing, please remember, that it is a GOOD feeling, not a GUILTY feeling. Take it from someone who has won the battle that she fought for 11 years. Need anymore info on it all, feel free to ask, I know all too well about this stuff. The trash bags, bowls, showers, dealing with parents finding out, friends, dealing with not wanting anyone near my bedroom for fear of finding my vomit bowl or bag. I have been through it all, my parents at one point even took my dam door off the hindges just to make sure I don't do that in my bedroom... Please try to stop, GOOD LUCK :angel:





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